Garden of Eden

I doubt it is hardly noticeable but this is really my silvery 50th! So little for so long, but I’ll try to make sure this is a big one and worth while reading.

I shall wind back up to my mid semester break. A few friends came over and I’m starting to see more and more familiar faces, which is a good thing. One part of that which made me feel really contented is helping out them people around, some sort of a tour guide I must say. At least I felt sufficiently useful to others and not wasting my time away doing absolutely nothing. After a couple of weeks of tolerating how my sheets were actually turning most of my clothing and even skin blue-ish, I finally splurged during an outing to Ikea. New savvy sheets with elements of Patapon, happy me. The next semester quickly followed suit, and while it has been pretty uneventful since... I must say work will start pilling terribly soon without a doubt. A more interesting story would probably be the naked run I saw last Thursday, ha. Yep, a slightly unbalanced proportion of nude dudes than dudettes having a run around campus in cold weather. Disturbing? Yes. Exciting? It was. Funny to see how ecstatic the girls are witnessing this first-hand and camera ready as well. Of course they would be promptly accused for being horny followed by an attempt on false denial. And not long after some powerful coercion, they’d admit having their eyes fixated at all the ‘tools’ dangling in front of their very eyes. :)

One thing I noticed when I enjoy reading other blogs is how comical some dialogues that they incorporate can be. Words alone sometimes are not enough; there must be incentive for further reading. Sometimes, what I’m about to tell out keeps me awake during lectures and it goes something like;

A: Eh, where are all the hot guys!? I barely see any. You told me here got a lot leh. (gives a sorta disappointed sigh indicating what a waste to travel all the way to Aus for mediocre scenery)

Ed: What no hot guys. Don’t you think that the people here in Aussie have generally better average looks than in M’sia, especially when you are taking engineering into consideration. Tell me; have u spotted any especially enticing guys in our batch?

A: Bluek!

Ed: See, you already got my point. (And then goes on explaining how the average hotness applies in terms of bar charts)

A: Oh wait! That guy not bad weh. There, 30-40 degrees.

Ed: Where? Which one? Got so many in that line?

A: Oh shit, never mind already. The normal face was okay, but once he smiled got something wrong. (and quickly shifts to... ) Where that super cute ABC? (Aus borned Chinese). I heard from so many sources already.

Next up, (apparently cute guy passes by)

B: gasp* Omg cute! squeal*

Ed: Oie don't fa tin la woman. What's wrong with you. (I wasn't that rude but you get my drift, ha)

So much more interesting compared to an average conversation that would have happened between the guys.

Z: Have u seen X?

Ed: Nope. (already anticipated what is going to happen next)

Z: X so pretty. Do you think that girl looks like X?

Ed: (Looks around, and spotted something vaguely familiar). I don’t think so, X is taller.

Z: No lah, you see again properly. Her hair from behind really looks like X.

Ed: Okok, you’re right. (gives up)

Shall I turn back even further? Recently I had also been reading some material someone had written. I’ll try to remember how it goes roughly. The story was about this person whom wasn’t feeling very happy because he isn’t well accepted in the society. And then one day by chance he signed up for a camp in place for his brother, and he continues to dread the social interaction he would have to endure with 30 people for a month. Soon after, he began to loosen up and he termed it one of the better moments in his life. The people attending the camp were as close as family can be, given the circumstantial 1 month. All’s well until, of course it all has to come to an end. With almost every other member returning back to where they originated from, the once secondary family gone their separate ways. Some handled it pretty well, but unfortunately the author and another of his friend didn’t. They sunk into depression, and cut themselves off from their old friends.

For a very long time, I’ve been trying to search for the fitting reason as to why they would have behaved that way but without much success. What he said next was something in which I could finally relate to. He explained how distances can really put a strain on a friendship, like how difficult it is to maintain it at the former level it has once been. Sure e-mails, social networking sites or phone calls are easy options to do (but really, HOW many of you actually do this religiously?). The thing is that it will never be the same. Trying to speak again to someone after a long time invites an initial awkwardness, but smoothly warms up back to its old ways. But can this be sustained long enough? He feels elated, exceptionally happy and grateful that he did have a talk with his friend. Sadly, within a few days he’d feel empty again. And it continues as a cycle. Plainly put, this can be a really unsettling feeling and it would probably be better to avoid feeling empty again (flawed reasoning I know, but also the truth). They would say that I didn’t do enough to prevent this from happening. That’s not true, because I did the best that I could. I was scared... and slowly becoming impermeable. Everybody knew so little then. Sometimes, people can be really unforgiving.

What I can genuinely say is that I hope I know a lot more now.

* I also hope that it was worth your time reading, apart from this being dedicated to Charlie. And maybe even possibly inspire those that I do not know of :)

For a while now, my mind has been consistently floating over to many areas, drifting onwards to whichever direction it chooses to without me being aware of it. My playlist of usually only a few songs, if not one that I have selected; loops continuously until I come to my senses and realise that I’m never going to get back that 30 minutes of time again...along with many other things that I wished could have been kept within my reach.

‘He’s really nice, really quiet’ – Obviously, I would definitely classify that as a polite description. Definitely not a credible statement though, I very much agree. That is the problem.

The problem is, there are probably too many things in this world; which is why it is impossible to drink it all in. Multiple events can shed various lights about a person, from their respectively diverse angles makes it increasingly difficult to understand a situation completely. Being analytical is soothing. We approach the matter of interest in a very orderly way, and anticipate responses to prepare counter measures should anything go out of script. Lead the tricks, and be in control. But things do not progress as smoothly as always, there are bound to be unwanted obstacles. So we shall broaden our perspectives as much as we can. In some ways I happen to think I’ll never get tired of different perceptions, it is refreshing to see whether the matter could have been possibly approached in a different manner. How more can it be so ultimately, invigorating?

These countless viewpoints generated from being a sceptic, realist, cynic and pragmatic can often be tiring to comprehend. Besides, being too cautious build’s a wall. It’s like a cold block of ice. The aim is to melt it, which could be done by pouring water all out continuously. But what happens if mists of water are sprayed on instead? Aggravation would be a good guess.

Unfortunately, my problem is that I can’t tell anyone. For something which I have never been so disappointed before, and frankly still reasonably hung up on a couple of incidents which I wasn’t proud to have gone through. Because I now know better, I’ll always be the bad guy and no matter how much I try to overcome it, for some reason I felt that it could never be enough.

hmm, exams are coming up. this is gonna be hard to go through until the 26th.

weather's bad, fore casted rain everyday. on an especially cold night that the whole farrer central heater broke down... i saw hail! its quite tiny i suppose, a little bit smaller than pea sized but i'm relieved i finally saw one. ever since i missed the one back in subang.

but somehow, i like. i've always liked rain, for producing sort of a calming effect. and with a few nostalgic piano pieces playing, a cuppa hot chocolate, under the comfy covers, and a warm shoulder. mmm, haha. perhaps i overdid it a little. but i couldn't help but to overindulge!

happy birthday vince!

I think last weekend was great. From the Chuck marathon to my enchilada’s, impromptu tennis session to shrimp claypot rice with pig stomach soup, and finally closing out with chocolate ice cream cake, plus good conversations! (Or rather ... slightly unproductive ones but well, always sustainable). In fact I’m actually having decent sleeps these few nights, although the thought of having fish maw soup with scallops makes my knees go weak.

Oh, what I’m watching now is so hilarious. And as I walk across uni everyday, no one knows I have such liable thoughts, hehe. I should definitely try put a stop to it, all these crazy things beyond imaginable which I am picturing.

Hmm, sometimes I feel like I’m pulling of a Sarah Walker out of nowhere. Which is exactly why I’m so interested to find out exactly how she would turn out to be. :]

I can't sing a song with straightforward lyrics
Because it always ends with sugar coated words
Since when did someone as lazy as I am learn to protect anything?
What colour catches you from the sky visible in the school yard
At times I want the white clouds to turn black too

Don’t leave me *sky chord*, you would've stayed here back then
I've already lost you *sky chord*, this isn't anyone’s fault, however

I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are
I wanted to stay up till daybreak when I was a kid
Now being chased with time I don't even have enough sleep

Don’t leave me *sky chord*, you would've stayed here back then
I've already lost you *sky chord*, I want to teach you

I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are
I know we can't stay like this forever, so let’s take that first step
Those words I've written in the notebook will never be changed
I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are

For I can no longer be like a child.

Whenever I hear this song, even if at the expense of my mobile ringing I believe it will give me the drive to tackle the challenges which lie ahead of me on that day. Apart from the fact that it was an excellent tune to complement the turmoil Inoue Orihime was going through, I too feel that I can relate to her absolutely gripping resolution. I think it is especially undeserving for her to be bashed/labelled weak by them flamers in forums, because of her neediness and over reliance on others. To me at least, having too much compassion is not a flaw. With utter disgust expressed, I find that its often lacking in the real world nowadays and that really ought to make up for some of it.

It’s really amusing how I’m sitting down here, watching over a few individuals. Breaking them down, piecing them together, and then figuring each of their intention out. Some caught desperately trying to climb the social ladder (without success I might add) and some getting too full of their selves till an exceptionally stubborn extent. Although I honestly do not bother to enlighten them how trivial what they are trying to achieve are anymore (I tried... they bite me!), I’m still slightly saddened over the fact that they will one day dwindle into a spiral of destruction from their lack of maturity. Perhaps, just like Alfred I’ll be the one to say ‘I told you so’ one day. I realise, in some ways how psychotic I am sounding, I’ll just hope I’m threading on the right pathway.

Because, for all I may know...I’m the one being too full of myself gasp*. Like how I tried pimping up my new racquet with ‘manly’ lead tapes. I’d have to admit quite frankly it was a little out of my physical limits. I hope I can persevere with the help of some wrist and rotator cuff conditioning, as I certainly see room for improvement!