Garden of Eden

loose ends they tangle down, and then take flight.

2009-08-01T13:16:00.004+08:00

I doubt it is hardly noticeable but this is really my silvery 50th! So little for so long, but I’ll try to make sure this is a big one and worth while reading.

I shall wind back up to my mid semester break. A few friends came over and I’m starting to see more and more familiar faces, which is a good thing. One part of that which made me feel really contented is helping out them people around, some sort of a tour guide I must say. At least I felt sufficiently useful to others and not wasting my time away doing absolutely nothing. After a couple of weeks of tolerating how my sheets were actually turning most of my clothing and even skin blue-ish, I finally splurged during an outing to Ikea. New savvy sheets with elements of Patapon, happy me. The next semester quickly followed suit, and while it has been pretty uneventful since... I must say work will start pilling terribly soon without a doubt. A more interesting story would probably be the naked run I saw last Thursday, ha. Yep, a slightly unbalanced proportion of nude dudes than dudettes having a run around campus in cold weather. Disturbing? Yes. Exciting? It was. Funny to see how ecstatic the girls are witnessing this first-hand and camera ready as well. Of course they would be promptly accused for being horny followed by an attempt on false denial. And not long after some powerful coercion, they’d admit having their eyes fixated at all the ‘tools’ dangling in front of their very eyes. :)

One thing I noticed when I enjoy reading other blogs is how comical some dialogues that they incorporate can be. Words alone sometimes are not enough; there must be incentive for further reading. Sometimes, what I’m about to tell out keeps me awake during lectures and it goes something like;

A: Eh, where are all the hot guys!? I barely see any. You told me here got a lot leh. (gives a sorta disappointed sigh indicating what a waste to travel all the way to Aus for mediocre scenery)

Ed: What no hot guys. Don’t you think that the people here in Aussie have generally better average looks than in M’sia, especially when you are taking engineering into consideration. Tell me; have u spotted any especially enticing guys in our batch?

A: Bluek!

Ed: See, you already got my point. (And then goes on explaining how the average hotness applies in terms of bar charts)

A: Oh wait! That guy not bad weh. There, 30-40 degrees.

Ed: Where? Which one? Got so many in that line?

A: Oh shit, never mind already. The normal face was okay, but once he smiled got something wrong. (and quickly shifts to... ) Where that super cute ABC? (Aus borned Chinese). I heard from so many sources already.

Next up, (apparently cute guy passes by)

B: gasp* Omg cute! squeal*

Ed: Oie don't fa tin la woman. What's wrong with you. (I wasn't that rude but you get my drift, ha)

So much more interesting compared to an average conversation that would have happened between the guys.

Z: Have u seen X?

Ed: Nope. (already anticipated what is going to happen next)

Z: X so pretty. Do you think that girl looks like X?

Ed: (Looks around, and spotted something vaguely familiar). I don’t think so, X is taller.

Z: No lah, you see again properly. Her hair from behind really looks like X.

Ed: Okok, you’re right. (gives up)

Shall I turn back even further? Recently I had also been reading some material someone had written. I’ll try to remember how it goes roughly. The story was about this person whom wasn’t feeling very happy because he isn’t well accepted in the society. And then one day by chance he signed up for a camp in place for his brother, and he continues to dread the social interaction he would have to endure with 30 people for a month. Soon after, he began to loosen up and he termed it one of the better moments in his life. The people attending the camp were as close as family can be, given the circumstantial 1 month. All’s well until, of course it all has to come to an end. With almost every other member returning back to where they originated from, the once secondary family gone their separate ways. Some handled it pretty well, but unfortunately the author and another of his friend didn’t. They sunk into depression, and cut themselves off from their old friends.

For a very long time, I’ve been trying to search for the fitting reason as to why they would have behaved that way but without much success. What he said next was something in which I could finally relate to. He explained how distances can really put a strain on a friendship, like how difficult it is to maintain it at the former level it has once been. Sure e-mails, social networking sites or phone calls are easy options to do (but really, HOW many of you actually do this religiously?). The thing is that it will never be the same. Trying to speak again to someone after a long time invites an initial awkwardness, but smoothly warms up back to its old ways. But can this be sustained long enough? He feels elated, exceptionally happy and grateful that he did have a talk with his friend. Sadly, within a few days he’d feel empty again. And it continues as a cycle. Plainly put, this can be a really unsettling feeling and it would probably be better to avoid feeling empty again (flawed reasoning I know, but also the truth). They would say that I didn’t do enough to prevent this from happening. That’s not true, because I did the best that I could. I was scared... and slowly becoming impermeable. Everybody knew so little then. Sometimes, people can be really unforgiving.

What I can genuinely say is that I hope I know a lot more now.

* I also hope that it was worth your time reading, apart from this being dedicated to Charlie. And maybe even possibly inspire those that I do not know of :)

I had a dream

2009-07-10T12:01:00.002+08:00

For a while now, my mind has been consistently floating over to many areas, drifting onwards to whichever direction it chooses to without me being aware of it. My playlist of usually only a few songs, if not one that I have selected; loops continuously until I come to my senses and realise that I’m never going to get back that 30 minutes of time again...along with many other things that I wished could have been kept within my reach.

‘He’s really nice, really quiet’ – Obviously, I would definitely classify that as a polite description. Definitely not a credible statement though, I very much agree. That is the problem.

The problem is, there are probably too many things in this world; which is why it is impossible to drink it all in. Multiple events can shed various lights about a person, from their respectively diverse angles makes it increasingly difficult to understand a situation completely. Being analytical is soothing. We approach the matter of interest in a very orderly way, and anticipate responses to prepare counter measures should anything go out of script. Lead the tricks, and be in control. But things do not progress as smoothly as always, there are bound to be unwanted obstacles. So we shall broaden our perspectives as much as we can. In some ways I happen to think I’ll never get tired of different perceptions, it is refreshing to see whether the matter could have been possibly approached in a different manner. How more can it be so ultimately, invigorating?

These countless viewpoints generated from being a sceptic, realist, cynic and pragmatic can often be tiring to comprehend. Besides, being too cautious build’s a wall. It’s like a cold block of ice. The aim is to melt it, which could be done by pouring water all out continuously. But what happens if mists of water are sprayed on instead? Aggravation would be a good guess.

Unfortunately, my problem is that I can’t tell anyone. For something which I have never been so disappointed before, and frankly still reasonably hung up on a couple of incidents which I wasn’t proud to have gone through. Because I now know better, I’ll always be the bad guy and no matter how much I try to overcome it, for some reason I felt that it could never be enough.

For if it did, the feeling would have gone away. Closure, as we call it.

tears in heaven

2009-06-10T23:04:00.004+08:00

hmm, exams are coming up. this is gonna be hard to go through until the 26th.

weather's bad, fore casted rain everyday. on an especially cold night that the whole farrer central heater broke down... i saw hail! its quite tiny i suppose, a little bit smaller than pea sized but i'm relieved i finally saw one. ever since i missed the one back in subang.

but somehow, i like. i've always liked rain, for producing sort of a calming effect. and with a few nostalgic piano pieces playing, a cuppa hot chocolate, under the comfy covers, and a warm shoulder. mmm, haha. perhaps i overdid it a little. but i couldn't help but to overindulge!

happy birthday vince!

Fresh Feeling

2009-05-19T16:29:00.001+08:00

I think last weekend was great. From the Chuck marathon to my enchilada’s, impromptu tennis session to shrimp claypot rice with pig stomach soup, and finally closing out with chocolate ice cream cake, plus good conversations! (Or rather ... slightly unproductive ones but well, always sustainable). In fact I’m actually having decent sleeps these few nights, although the thought of having fish maw soup with scallops makes my knees go weak.

Oh, what I’m watching now is so hilarious. And as I walk across uni everyday, no one knows I have such liable thoughts, hehe. I should definitely try put a stop to it, all these crazy things beyond imaginable which I am picturing.

Hmm, sometimes I feel like I’m pulling of a Sarah Walker out of nowhere. Which is exactly why I’m so interested to find out exactly how she would turn out to be. :]

Snow Queen will one day win ;]

2009-05-07T04:19:00.007+08:00

I can't sing a song with straightforward lyrics
Because it always ends with sugar coated words
Since when did someone as lazy as I am learn to protect anything?
What colour catches you from the sky visible in the school yard
At times I want the white clouds to turn black too

Don’t leave me *sky chord*, you would've stayed here back then
I've already lost you *sky chord*, this isn't anyone’s fault, however

I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are
I wanted to stay up till daybreak when I was a kid
Now being chased with time I don't even have enough sleep

Don’t leave me *sky chord*, you would've stayed here back then
I've already lost you *sky chord*, I want to teach you

I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are
I know we can't stay like this forever, so let’s take that first step
Those words I've written in the notebook will never be changed
I know there are many more important things than becoming an adult
But I'll be growing up the whole time figuring out what they are

For I can no longer be like a child.

Whenever I hear this song, even if at the expense of my mobile ringing I believe it will give me the drive to tackle the challenges which lie ahead of me on that day. Apart from the fact that it was an excellent tune to complement the turmoil Inoue Orihime was going through, I too feel that I can relate to her absolutely gripping resolution. I think it is especially undeserving for her to be bashed/labelled weak by them flamers in forums, because of her neediness and over reliance on others. To me at least, having too much compassion is not a flaw. With utter disgust expressed, I find that its often lacking in the real world nowadays and that really ought to make up for some of it.

It’s really amusing how I’m sitting down here, watching over a few individuals. Breaking them down, piecing them together, and then figuring each of their intention out. Some caught desperately trying to climb the social ladder (without success I might add) and some getting too full of their selves till an exceptionally stubborn extent. Although I honestly do not bother to enlighten them how trivial what they are trying to achieve are anymore (I tried... they bite me!), I’m still slightly saddened over the fact that they will one day dwindle into a spiral of destruction from their lack of maturity. Perhaps, just like Alfred I’ll be the one to say ‘I told you so’ one day. I realise, in some ways how psychotic I am sounding, I’ll just hope I’m threading on the right pathway.

Because, for all I may know...I’m the one being too full of myself gasp*. Like how I tried pimping up my new racquet with ‘manly’ lead tapes. I’d have to admit quite frankly it was a little out of my physical limits. I hope I can persevere with the help of some wrist and rotator cuff conditioning, as I certainly see room for improvement!

I can’t sing a song with straightforward lyrics.

2009-04-28T00:46:00.003+08:00

a long absence, but not a long post!

i'm really quite busy these days with impending exams and assignments which really doesnt seem to stop. i have at least 2 works to submit per week, so well thats a good indication of how it goes. and apparently year2 sem1 is easygoing ...? LIES! never believe seniors to any full extent, or perhaps just rather that one person. whoops.

as i'm typing this the temperature outside my window has probably dropped to 8 degrees. so cold in the morning, so very hard to wake up. actually its not that difficult, but huge sense of regret will quickly follow once i step outside of the halls without proper insulation. you see... the heater in my room sort of provided a false sense of security and knowing how alert i must have been dragging myself on the carpet inching towards the exit door, you get that picture.

a few days ago i was probably quite annoyed over a certain something because its so ridiculous that some people really think they have the right to be judgmental about who you really are when they don't know a single freaking pea about you. but actually, now i couldn't care less because 1) i have a thermo test next monday. 2) i have a thermo long lab report due next monday. really wtf. having someone directing their dissatisfaction directly at yours truly for no apparent reason is much more trivial compared to those right.

maybe i'm just not getting enough tennis these days. why is the weather misbehaving? i can only hope with uncertainty that the weather forecast will NOT be plagued with thunderstorms and annoying continuous light rain for the whole week! preposterous exactly, i know! bad for productivity because it promotes snuggling under the warm covers and tempting clicks to purchase stuff online. now that, after having full control over funds allocated per month to me, literally no one has to know what i spend on fortunately, hah!

with all these up it mind (also apart from the nasty cough i contracted which i nearly suspected as a case of acute bronchitis, but with much relief it has recovered now), yes Cara, i'd very well be dead in my room for three weeks already!

ps. to lish - also partly because of the bad cough i can't properly string a complete sentence and therefore i have delayed a voice convo but someone's been AO in msn quite often! cough*

And i'll search for the orange moon that lit up our love on the ocean while i held your hand

2009-03-19T20:28:00.003+08:00

To those who wondered how the land of Oz is to me, I think I like it very much (how unpatriotic I know but I don’t care). Even mom seems to suggest that I’ll never return...well we’ll see how things go :]. My own room, fridge and quilt which for some reasons make me feel contented. Classes so far are fine and dandy, except for the lecture clashes... which is terribly annoying to juggle. This CAN’T be the amount of workload, I know for sure. It’s only a matter of time (nuuuuuu echoes*).

Sigh, there isn’t enough time to enjoy the city. Ever since that impromptu visit to DFO store had me yearning for more. Not forgetting Lygon’s temptations. If only there were holidays, which I’m sad to point out how infrequent public holidays appear on the calendar here and Easter break can’t be comprehensively utilised due to lab commitments. Well, it only means I might have to brave through week 13... only ten more to go.

Attempted curry yesterday, almost everything was fine, from the chicken tenderness to the potatoes softness. The only problem was that while it was by all means edible and looks aesthetically pleasing to be yummy, it lacked that extra oomph that mom’s has (darn!). Nothing went wrong. I convincingly know it’s because of the vegetarian curry paste. Vegetarian types are always less tastier such that they do not ignite lustful cravings anyways. What to do when I can’t find the ( ~~car~~omnivorous ) curry paste.

P.S I Love You was surprisingly better than I thought, though I’ve always regard Hilary as a talented actress. But somehow lately I’ve been unexpectedly charmed by a certain Mrs. Darcy, after watching the English version of Korean’s My Lovely Week (for the uninitiated, it’s titled Love Actually). Hmm, suddenly I’m starting to appreciate Keira more.

There's one thing of a certain urgency on my mind for sometime already. The time has yet to come, just hold on, a little more please!

Qing Fei De Yi

2009-02-13T14:47:00.002+08:00

Suddenly feeling very nostalgic, back into the primary's.

But well, the time has come. Thanks everyone for providing their support, care and trust. Not saying it's the end of the world? However certainly a dark cave indeed.

Hmmm! Until then, bhai world.

if only there was a little more time

2009-01-31T23:18:00.001+08:00

Hi all,

It has been a while since I last wrote.

Back then when I was first very cruelly rejected by NTU for an engineering course I was seriously thinking how deep of a trouble I could be in and Monash was really sort of like a 100% succession backup plan. But after close to a year and a half from that last thought, maybe its all a blessing in disguise after all? I certainly can’t imagine lugging myself into crowded MRT’s or busses every morning to Uni and then mingle with annoyingly competitive Singaporeans. Though I could easily avoid trouble by being more closely knitted to a couple Malaysians that are equally seeking refuge, there is no way I could survive Electrical and Electronics lectures without succumbing into a deathly sleep. Such are disastrous consequences, bleh.

When I first arrived, I was wow-ed by the brilliant and brightly lit shops which seems to be all over the country. Every single type of tidbit and delicacies were available to be smelt from all corners of the paths. What is truely eye catching was not the price, but definitely the varieties available. However, be rest assured that prior to leaving Malaysia I’ve had that 2.4 multiplier steadily embedded in my system. On the other hand, as I continue to traverse before first setting foot into my uncle’s house I felt a significant oppressive feeling from the fast paced lives of these people. Each and every one of them was seen heading about in an orderly fashion, dressed in formal attires or trendy smart casual. Now I may begin to understand, why Ivan dislikes the life he goes through over here.

The good things about Singapore

Shopping heaven as the varieties and up to date styles are unbelievable. But the most important, they have my sizes! This applies to food as well; they have everything to cover your guilty cravings.

Convenient public transportation. Within days of travelling I had already familiarised with the different interchange stations and train lines available. I haven’t boarded many busses, but from the looks of it, I’m thinking it would be equally simple to manoeuvre around. All it takes is an EzLink card, or else be ready to queue for your life. :]

I’ve never stayed at a place so high up before, but at my uncle’s 25^th story condo there is absolutely no need for air conditioners and fans at all; be it at night or a hot sunny afternoon. Outdoor temperatures are said to be an ideal 28 degrees with presence of some wind (which sometimes can be quite strong, in these couple of days).

The bad things about Singapore

Like I’ve said before, the society here is in fact too fast paced. A good question would be; Will it still be okay to retire and reside here? Chances are that you’d often be overlooked for you have outlived your usefulness. The right amount of stress will drive us to perform at the optimum level, but in this scenario I think it may be a little too much for me to handle. To those who have watched and still remember the Singapore production movies; ‘’I Not Stupid’’ and ‘’Money Not Enough’’, I fear to say that the households depicted by Jack Neo in his works are quite an accurate representation of the real households in the local society. At least I think so.

The population over here is just too dense and crowded, especially on weekends or public holidays. Not a problem for someone who leans more towards staying at home, but if one would witness the amount of people forcing their way in a fully sardine packed MRT/buses or the queue to purchase food/barbecued pork or the queue to the supermarkets grocery checkout counter... speechless. I’m just grateful that I’m not standing there, lol.

Oh, and since cars and cabs are expensive, grocery shopping can be quite a mountain hill task for people living a considerable distance from the grocery shops. Sure hitching on any public transport would be an efficient way to travel, but with those 3 heavy bags of groceries you would be carrying home, would you have been able to sustain your cool in a fully crowded bus or MRT? I know I’d feel awfully grouchy.

new guilty pleasure.. *front look

if only this was the front.. *back look

*disclaimer - don't bimbo me la, there's hardly any nice flips out there
and G400 soul is not as attractive. don't razr me too, lol.

guess you missed me while you were looking for yourself out there

2009-01-07T05:30:00.001+08:00

It’s been a week since New Year already, and time is seemingly running out. Apparently, this year I won’t be enjoying my favourite lokam’s during CNY celebrations, due to some discreet or perhaps I should add extremely unpleasant reasons (ask me if you’d like to know). How rather unfortunate... but well, there would still be plenty of other foods that I will miss enjoying so adding one to the list wouldn’t be that significant of an impact anymore.

Just that day I read about someone being apprehended by their parents for staying at home too much during the holidays, and bam suddenly started continuously hanging outside more than anything else in the world for a period of time before returning back to the normal routine. That fits me, and I will be going through that during these times I guess. I think it’s always nice to look and try on new things even if you aren’t purchasing anything, and minus the salesperson looking over your shoulder every single second exhibiting their impressive stalking behaviour.

Among my observations these couple of days were,

I don’t really get how school students would want to hang out at one1 or mid valley after their hours. Wouldn’t they be tired? Walking aimlessly requires a fair amount of energy and I’m quite positive that would be the last thing on the list of priorities (I’d rush back to home sweet home lah). No, I wasn’t directing my curiosity towards those who occasionally hangs out there but rather those that infests these malls like almost every other day zomg.

Malls are much better without too many people at once for me. I know no one wants to visit a deserted and unpopular place but when the sales were on in mid valley, the crowd was like woah! till can faint. Maybe it’s just me being dizzy myself and since I don’t favour rowdy crowds at all I guess it is understandable I felt that way.

More people are getting more fashion conscious. Somehow it makes me feel under dressed. I’ll quote someone who said something like ‘while there are plenty of Abercrombie/Victoria types strutting around, there is an equally fair share of monsters too’. Funny and true also lah, it’s just that sometimes I’d feel monster-ish too though I’d prefer not to feel so. It goes something like this, when the subject of comparison is pasar-malam-uncle I’d feel extremely superior but once that Abercombie or perhaps CK is thrown in I’d coil myself up somewhere dark and cry hard. No matter how they put it lah, being attractive does make things easier and will always be considered. People just would rather not admit having such shallow perceptions so that they don’t hurt the feelings of others. I’ve heard a fair share about me myself too.

* I think I may have accidently ventured into a very grey area of thought, and realised my argument isn’t well laid and thought through thoroughly. Yet. Timeout for me, nyah nyah :]

all i want for christmas is you

2008-12-25T20:22:00.001+08:00

Merry Berry Christmas :]

Recently, I went about searching around some blogs to see if anyone posted a review or at least wrote anything about the stuff which I’m keeping an eye on. Instead of finding articles to feed my desire for more words, I found words intending to describe their own desires instead. Most of these blogs I’ve visited are Singaporean, although I’m not particularly seeing them in a prejudiced light but I realise a very stereotypical habit of them. Is it a recurrent trend for all young Singaporean bloggers (of females usually, not aiming here but just telling) to include a wish list of what they want? Let’s just proceed to an example,

Last Updated: 24 December 2008

 Good results

 Happily ever after family !

 Worries free

 Stay happily ever after

 Pimples free

 Longer hair

 Shades

 Promoted to sec4Express

 ~~Dye my hair in th holiday~~

 Handphone(LG Viewty; Pink, Samsung Omnia; Pink, LG KF350; Pink)

 ~~Hair Cut at Kimage~~ I regretted! D:

 Rebonding

 Knee-length pants

 ~~Facial session~~
-~~1st session~~
-~~2nd session~~
-~~3rd session~~
-4th session
-5th session
-6th session

 Hot Pink tank top

 ~~School shoes~~

 Hot Pink Pencil case

 Hot Pink Wallet[Optional]

 Hot Pink Watch[Optional]

While I was searching for an example, I was debating whether I have the rights to be judgemental and bring someone up the surgery table. But anyways, it kind of struck me that there were some seriously spoilt people out there. I don’t know the reason as to why they would put up such a list, perhaps to give a hint to their friends as to what to buy for their birthdays? In fact, one girl who posted her desire for an iPod Nano actually got it from a stranger guy she met online! (freaky mou, you say. But ok lah, considering its free and no hidden intentions, I think). Now I’m thinking, maybe I should have one list too. Haa!

Sometimes I just sigh and get lost in thoughts when it’s all going too fast. I feel it coming nearer day by day, but the more substantial question would be; do you?

okaeri, nii-sama.

2008-12-22T06:47:00.001+08:00

I remember back into the days where I could successfully resist the clutches of iPod for the sake of saving some cash to be better spent on stuff which were more beneficial. Despite the fact that I’m only going to study, there recently has been some unsavoury craving for new gadgets and stuff. Though many might not object their mom (or dad) being an advocate to the temptress devil, more often than not I’d find myself restraining myself to be appropriately careful and keep my self consciousness in check. I don’t usually spend so much which is why this time I’m concerned that I may totally overspend because of my berlambak-lambak wishlist.

Just that day mom casually asked me if I needed camera, and if that’s the case she would redeem one CANON using her points plus RM499. And then me being the curious gerbil went online to scout the market price of that model, which turns out to be about RM650. Might I also mention Sony’s newest catalogue conveniently landed on my lap a couple of days ago as well, so the T-77 totally caught my eye, albeit carrying a hefty price tag of close to RM1300 (can vomit blood lah!). I feel guilty for not sufficiently appreciating the former offer, and here I am drooling over some uber cool looking device. But will I ever use it much? Who knows but maybe I’d so totally turn to being a camho in the future.

On a side note, if anyone recalled hearing about T-9 and T-10 of Sony’s series, I think they are not in production anymore. That digital cam was one of those things that I forgo pursuing and said ‘I could always get it later and cheaper too’ but obviously its staying a forgotten dream for good. What to do because I didn’t realise the marketing strategy for cameras were so different than mobile phones. While it provides a supply of fresh goodies for consumers to enjoy, I can’t deny that it’s an absolutely cheap tactic to coerce buyers into always getting the higher end ones.

Now I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks so, but now I feel that it’s not too bad to carry 2 mobile phones at a time (gasp!). What have ed become, I wonder. Blame it on the selection choices L. The phone I’m eyeing doesn’t support 3g and isn’t smart phone based. The you’d be wondering, are these features really that necessary at all? In fact I’ve yet to send away ANY picture mms-es by the way, so you can tell yah? Hah. Yet sometimes the slightest possibility of having a word processor and the task scheduler on the run would prove beneficial. Let’s just say, (pretending) to write that report or laying out the plans that needs accomplishment the next day helps the soul to feel falsely secure.

I’m so in need for a total crash course for Aussie survival. For starters, their internet is pretty bloody freaking expensive. Honestly, I can use up that 6 gb/month bandwidth lor. All it takes is just a few major downloads, not hard to achieve. No wonder kit said there is nothing else to do besides going to the gym, like wtf. Then I’d think about getting stuck with 50% taken halves and the boys whom are I-think-I’m-better-and-deserve-her types.... WTF LA NO! So much for my ideal walks at sunrise with dew drops. Poof.

Hope you’re feeling better now. Sorry it hurt, but it gets progressively way better ._.’’...

Random rant – of the sliders, touch screen and smart hype.

WHAT’S wrong with the world today!?

And at 3.30 pm today.

now im speechless, over the edge im just breathless

2008-12-18T15:29:00.003+08:00

I’ve a slight confession to make. I needed the eCOE number of enrolment for me to proceed into the visa application, which is why I was understandably frustrated having not received mine after nearly 2 weeks. I even emailed and called them to enquire what went wrong, why take so freaking long one! On one morning where I was that close to snapping, I found THE mail that I’ve been waiting for all this while sitting right under my nose since 4thDecember...omg so pai seh. But technically not my fault, who ask those officers of administration to be so stupid and not send the mail to the address I gave them. I believe I wrote extra clearly edlee.goe@gmail.com but they were so smart, TOO smart to send it to my Monash account. That thing which I ever hardly use at all, like so wtf right. What's the point of asking me to provide the mail in which would be used for all the online procedures when it's not going to be used, sheesh.

At least things didn’t turn out that bad after that, was pretty smooth sailing except for some occasional health questions which were unnecessary and vague at best. For example, have you ever had breathlessness etc? I’m sure at one point of anyone’s life they would experience shortness in breath maybe due to lack of sleep and the fact that you just ran up and down the school stairs to do errands. Maybe it’s just me being in a foul mood to get annoyed by these seemingly like-durh-of-coz-no questions, but I still declared myself super healthy anyways.

Unfortunately, even then I still had to go for a basic medical check up in which I did today. I would say it’s probably the most expensive hour I have recollection of because at the centre, all the employees treat you like their king. This way please, Mr.Lee. Please have a seat, Mr.Lee. That’s an excellent picture, Mr.Lee. Thats some serious ass kissing over there(!). But the best part would probably be Dr. Ong, who concluded the entire visit there. This hair thinning 50-something uncle is the bomb la. Unlike those stereotyped perception of some serious cocky or maternal doctor, he is extremely humorous. At one point during his routine, he asked if I smoked or took drugs in which I would probably would have answered the obvious but before I could his response was ‘okay never mind that, I’ll let you go and just give you the all clear (by closing an eye)’ in an extremely sarcastic manner. Farnee.

Say, I’m actually quite tired after all these. And my index fingers hurt after replacing that ko-ed CPU power box. Time to rest, continuation soon!

kawara nai kakenuke ta hibi sonna toki o omoidashi te

2008-12-12T07:18:00.006+08:00

Just a couple of days ago I felt so much unrest because my accommodation offer letter was supposed to arrive via email on the first week of December. And it was the second already, omg. I can’t imagine if they so cruelly rejected my application, I’d really go ballistic. But a mere few hours later, I actually dreamt seeing the offer pack sitting right inside my mailbox, and guess what. It actually arrived yesterday, how deja vu right! Like finally, a room ALL for myself and no more worrying about sleeping on the streets. But hor, I can’t deny a slight twinge of disappointment when the type of room I was allocated wasn’t ticked next to the single en suite room. Ish, so un-glam (learnt this new word!).

Now if only Ms. June will reply my mail so I can get the annoying visa done.

Sometimes, fate can be surprising. And I never was able to comprehend its meaning quite comprehensively, but it’s starting to sound pretty realistic now. While I may be slowly starting to believe in something so ethereal such as destiny, I’d agree with Gweon Woo on how every effort taken is a step in building bridges of fate chances. More often than not, isn't it the only thing that one’s capable of doing in a case where we’d ever have so little control over?

Now I’m starting to regret a little. All thanks to that gold diggah -_-‘’. Well maybe all’s still good for you but sometimes I wondered if I could ever fathom how a yes can be no and vice versa. How a person could be (almost) everything to another, yet doesn’t get the equal gratification the person is offering. But then again, how exactly can it be equal? For something in which has no means of being measured? I feel like throwing all these to him so he’d be confused and actually take time to digest the meaning behind them. Just to buy time of course. As the saying goes ‘when there is no victory in sight, minimise losses’, lol. But just so you know, the mails are something I hold very closely to myself. That’s because they are all I’ll ever have.

Maybe 4 years down the road, you’ll begin to understand why. Just someday, someday aite. ;]

how do I be careful, not to show you what I dream off

2008-12-10T05:16:00.002+08:00

Hi all.

Apart from being down with fever and some sort of a scare, I’m fine. Well, Uncle’s back so my car is gone. No going out freely as I would like to. As expected, I was informed that Uncle wants to ‘talk’ to me on the weekend. Casual conversation I suppose, but preachy enough. You know how it feels when every word of advice is being thrown at you and some even in successive repetition but all you can do is to keep nodding and making an affirmative sound. Haa.

I think what I really want to do is visit Singapore and have a good time there. It’s been a good 15 years since I last set foot on the Lion City, and I always wanted to see how things have changed for this might be my only chance in the near future. But when I think about spending money which could otherwise be spent on something I want more(!)... let’s just say the trip’s incentive may not be as much.

What I really want is probably a new phone. I’m not one of those whom constantly swaps their phone for the latest models every 6 months to feel fresh. I’ve had my first phone (technically speaking) for nearly 3 years already. Don’t get me wrong, it still works fine for a non-heavy user like me. But with the low battery life and that annoying joystick, even texting drives me up the wall sometimes. Severe enough irritation for me to say stop, and declare to myself I really need a flip soon. I’ve always wanted a flip and this time no one shall stop me! (unlike last time) All I’m waiting right now is for the right time, as I’ve already set my eyes on something, hee. And my angpao money as well that is.

LG KF350... *drools*

Last night I watched ‘Cyborg Girl’, a Japanese movie in which some would say an opposite version of Absolute Boyfriend aka Zettai Kareshi. Overall, it was pretty enjoyable. Now it’s time for My Sassy Girl. I’ve always want to experience myself such a highly rated favourite.

I am sad because I finished Crisis Core and watched painful Zack. I am sad because I was really afraid of dying in a crashing elevator. I am sad because for what I vow every day, I get beaten in the end. When I think back, the only person that I can blame now is none other than myself. I hate feeling like this.

Hatsu-koi – I believe, it started from Utada.

Nites.

its a lullaby from a giant golden radio

2008-11-27T23:54:00.003+08:00

thank god i didn't fail any. i can't imagine the emotional turmoil i'd probably be subjected to if i did. not to mention how i'd be slaughtered by parents, haa. these are the times where, 'god' truly appears in my books. but nevertheless, must cast aside and lock away the triumphant slacker last sem.

i liked sushi more than i thought i would. i ate raw salmon, RAW! it may be pleasing for some to know, that i say sal-men instead of sah-mon or whatever. soft shell crab temaki's are so yummy, mmm. but spend so much on a meal, not thrifty at all hor. tsk tsk.

me liking Kachofugetsu a lot. i have a feeling we're gonna be more attached then i thought i would be. :]

look. its all getting better again. i'll get you that saloon trip before i leave okay? now, its really time to get my life back together. (disclaimer* - may this be the last time i tell myself!)

My answers always this, don't fight it. Because I don't know what it is.

2008-11-25T10:27:00.012+08:00

I was wondering one day exactly what tag have I been missing. In the archives I found this, 7 months late but well tadah :

What is your favourite colour?

The time when colours meant identity, it would be the Power Rangers era. Mine would be green, haa. Other sources of inspiration would come from my granddad who apparently liked green so much, a green Mercedes was specially burnt for him at his funeral.

Who is your idol?

As of now...right now I’d say Witwisit Hiranyawonkul, haa. Omg, I know, why such guilty pleasures right. But being so young yet still able to make it big has points to be admired. And he stuck with his band consisting of his old friends. Two more points for being humble to the roots. Continuing to work with a bunch of familiar peeps...I like that idea. Mmm, I do.

What is your ambition?

I’ve always said I wanted to be an accountant for the sake of shutting others up. Though sometimes I envisioned myself being a teacher, which sounds pretty much like everyone else backup plan. But well, just so you know I’m now a chemical engineering undergrad branching into biotech electives.

What would you do if you won a million dollars?

I think even though with so much money at hand, I might not splurge on buying stuffs. Truthfully there are many things that I wouldn’t mind having but priorities are there for a purpose, so I’d say a house, a car and the rest on financial securities. Not that I’m completely selfish and resent donations to charity, but I’d feel much better getting my life on track first and rid of all those worrisome loan payments. But...I guess it does warrant some impulse buying :].

What will you do when you feel really emo?

Turn up the Indie music and snag some sweets for some precious me time. If there was someone near enough that I trust, so sorry for being the victim of me venting out, haa. But, you know how there are always tendencies to keep a little quiet and I’ll get caught up with thoughts. Because for all I may know, it’s just me really.

What cheers you up for the rest of the day?

A pat and a thank you can go a long way. I don’t think anyone can agree less on being cared and appreciated for gets it going for the day, heck even the next day itself!

Where is the place that you want to go most?

Korea, South to be exact, and that teddy bear museum they have...uwaa.

What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

The people around me that I care for. But apart from that, my laptop with internet access and psp are also shallow requirements :].

What are you afraid to lose the most right now?

My integrity, self righteousness and obviously THE most important thing in my life as well. Because without it life would be really empty.

If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?

Sometimes dreams are just impossible (larh) and they stay that for the sole reason. What I can think of that has the highest probability of occurring is enjoying my bachelorhood with my Beagle in a nice and sophisticatedly decorated home, getting a job envied by many, then get hooked, family, happily ever after, yada yada.

If there’s one thing in your life you want to do but yet unable to, what would it be?

Basically holding that trophy at Suzanne Lenglen, Rod Laver arena or centre court...either one would do. But you know, it stays a dream for a reason. It’s quite a pity because all our MLTA does is eat money and the opportunities deserving people should get. Apart from that, I’m missing an instrument and mastery of my mother tongue.

What would you do if tomorrow was the last day of the world?

I think I’ll probably face a breakdown and go apologise to everyone on whatever misdeeds I have done. Give mom a big hug and tell her thank you for running over across that busy street to the convenience store just to get me that lychee packet drink which I could have so easily bought at the school’s canteen. Then go cuddle with the special one awaiting the meteor/asteroid to crash down on earth and burn us all. The catch is IF though, as far as I’m concerned today me playing Dota. Hee hee.

What is the purpose of your life?

To be filled with the feelings of content-ness.

At what age do you wish to marry?

I don’t feel like I’m 20 now but who knows 3-8 years later I’d be off to my honeymoon. Those years are a lot of time for progress, but perhaps 28 would be a really good number. Certainly NOT 21 to 23 la. I have this friend who wants to even have a child at that age and she’s 20 now. In which I told her, how behind time she was because she wasn’t even attached in the first place. Married, children, you haven’t even graduated la! Crazy ger. Farnee I tell you.

What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

‘’ I've done everything in my life that I've wanted to do except just give and feel love for my living. And I don't mean like, uh, Roman candle, fireworks, Hollywood hot pink love. I mean like, I got your back kind of love. ‘’ – quote John Mayer.

Who doesn’t want that gorgeous smexy other half? Let’s be realistic here, it’s all overly hyped and much less fancier than its thought to be :P. In the end, what really matters most is (insert underlined italics from above).

If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?

No initiative, no progress. You want it’s, then you gotta prove you really want it’s. Haa. But you know, HER confessing first wouldn't be too bad now isn't it? HAHA

What will you do if you got rejected by someone you like?

Reset. Load. Restart at checkpoint. LOL! Okay lah, what I was trying to emphasise here is that there will be another shot to go for. Haa.

If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?

45. This number has to go this year. Oh, I also always wondered what I’d become if I didn’t stay outdoors in the sun for so many years. Apparently I was quite the white white.

List out three good things of the person who tagged you.

Eh this one I don’t have to. You shy so i save you the trouble. xD

What type of person do you hate the most?

Oh, I never thought I could use this.

‘’ The betrayal you can see, is trivial. What is truly fearsome, is the betrayal you can’t see ‘’.

Externalities are aplenty everywhere, and I think I do a good job ignoring them most of the time. Actually, I believe I have no right to describe how hateful can someone be. Because sometimes it may feel a little hypocritical to say so, and for all I might know the person I end up hating later would be myself.

---The end---
This took me a while to finish,
it seems today I just woke up feeling a little better.

囧

(well, slightly better at least, highlight*)

now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

2008-11-18T07:33:00.001+08:00

To be honest, I’d never have been more excited about an English movie since the Devil Wears Prada. In fact, in preparation for the release itself I actually decided to read the book! You know how I’d constantly surf and scurry about the forums after completing a movie/drama to ease them withdrawal symptoms, the same can’t be said about English shows which are lacking a complete loyal fan base. I like it because I’d be able to hear how others interpreted certain scenes and sometimes recalling their favourite ones where you’d go ‘oh, I know this one and that one too’ while playing the scene over again up your mind. And if that’s the case, re-watching wouldn’t be necessary. Though at times the momentum could be forcefully interrupted by a few who goes ooh-lala-wa-lala over the cast’s heartthrob but ain’t that exactly the thing that makes the entire package wholesome? :]

Might I add that the OST’s are an absolute must because it’ll make the audience relate as closely to as the feeling that is being conveyed. Therefore, I’ll be eagerly awaiting the highly anticipated Twilight but the prospect of reading the book simply seems bleak this time.

Sometimes I do pity Ichigo and Naruto because clearly, everyone could not be saved. There is a choice as to who and how many can be rescued while the remaining left are bound for the sacrificial pit. This is why words with the pretext of asserting everyone to feel equally at ease, where one might say ‘if possible, none will be left out because Ohana means family’. It’s just beyond every daring imagination that they could put it that way when the kelefeh’s (aka sidekicks) were axed. Though you all might say it is as double edged as it could be but if you really cared about them why didn’t you pick them? Why? There isn’t a need to explain why because even a child knows how firmly a yes or no can mean. That’s just how wide the differences are, and it all comes down to it.

*psst Josh, you don’t know how wrong you were when you said I really wanted to leave. More than anything else, I wanted everyone to be saved.

you don't really want to stay, but neither will you go

2008-11-15T04:31:00.002+08:00

An official warm welcome to Kev whom last week had 5 days worth of classes from 9 am - 8 pm in a row. Of course I was playing it down when I said I was more lifeless, but you know very well I'd really cry if I had to endure that. Like, really! Well, what else can I say but good luck and have fun doubling the effort to study to get paid very well such that your future soccer team won't live in hunger :].

Anyway, a lot of other reasons apart from it being holiday made me stayed wide awake for about 25 hours. Okay, I did close my eyes for sometime in between that (I also wonder exactly how long was that actually, for a 400,000 score was obtained in Lumines 2 insane mode) before stumbling into MV's Jusco, in which I swear has the largest varieties of groceries I have ever seen! So many foreign people also, especially the Japs. There was this couple walking pass while I was checking out some cute and unique sake bottles... and it was very clear to me that they said, 'arigatou gozaimasu' immediately followed by 'kimchi! kimchi!' in which was very strange. So I was left there wondering if they were either Japanese or Korean to begin with but perhaps they could just be locals muttering whatever foreign word they could come out with in order to turn a few head around too, haa. But I was satisfied because I found this imported candy, or chewing gum to be exact which turned out to be pretty cheap among all the other ones. Well at first I decided to just grab something reasonably well priced to try among the many options available, but as it turns out... I've regularly bought and ate it since 10 years ago, omg! Now I know why it went missing as it was no longer sold in the normal runcit stores and the most freaky thing is that its from Korea, haa! Now talk about fate. :]

I tumbled on my bed as soon as I reach home though, and I had a dream which in my opinion should have happened a very long time ago? Yeah, this is actually about my Standard 5-6 best bud, Sam Chan Jian How (see, I can even remember his full name) whom I would be ashamed to admit losing contact with after we went to separate secondary schools. Back then there wasn't a decent internet connection available for my leisure and apparently I think even ICQ wasn't popularised yet, so I'm trying to console myself that it was all expected to be. Well, I had a housephone (like everyone else, durh) so I guess that is why I hurriedly wrote my number on a crumpled piece of paper to give it to standard 6 Sam but you know what....I wasn't able to because the car I was in drove off as fast as it could (but this was not what happened in the cold hard facts la). Its not that I don't want to la, Sheen...

I'm so sorry-hontoni sumimasen Ivan, I really didn't know and when you come back for holidays you can claim from me a very decent lunch to sort of compensate a little. As of the meantime, good luck for the remaining papers. (though he prob won't see this at all, which was why I'd dare to make such an offer because the fact is that you can't claim something which you don't know was being offered right? I'm so genius /devilish grin. :]

Because if I really care and wanted to, it is obvious that I would have made an effort too right? Apparently so, I guess.

Cause I'll always be a million miles away

2008-11-11T05:59:00.005+08:00

(removed slow loading widget)
Sungha Jung - Fields Of Gold

As soon as I found this young budding artiste accidentally on youtube, I knew spot on at that moment I just had to feature him in my blog, something in which I had never done before. Sung-ha Jung is a 13 year old + Korean guitar prodigy specialised in fingerpicking...a style similar as to how a 'Guqin' is played. Though some critics were harsh to say that he does not exhibit much emotion when playing I think the sounds that he was creating has more emotions than a face could contain. It's best to see it for yourself. :]

Thanks to his music I was able to direct any excessive stress to the right direction and not be consumed by it all. haa. After watching Nodame Cantabile, its actually quite awesome to witness a genius instrument prodigy to actually be in action, lol! Thanks to my trusty download manager I managed to grab and illegally download a couple of his songs in .mp3 from various sites, imeem included, hee. What to do, I'm desperate for my own enjoyment. I posted this one above for a sneak preview and if it intrigues you all, you can search in youtube and experience it for starters. Then, if you'd like to, .mp3 files can be obtained from me. :]

Though I have to admit, seeing a young boy completely outclassing myself does not help my already inferior feelings, haa. Apparently, when he grows up it is said that all the girls would go wild over him shouting 'Oopa!' like the world's at stake. Sigh, envy envy. Did I mention that he's Korean? Uwaa.

Coz everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

2008-11-10T06:22:00.002+08:00

It’s been such a long time since I last posted but maybe this time I’ll try to make sure I don’t disappear again. There are many ways in which an individual can choose to resolve their problems. In a survey conducted by my first year unit coordinator aka physics lecturer, the first years were required to rank themselves based on various situations of how would they tackle them. And that would categorise them students into either the ‘head-on brave’ type, ‘analytical but sits on the fence’ type, or ‘the evasive and peace loving’ types. Conventionally, I’d find myself to be in more of the latter, hence explaining the entire absence. Though, I’d like to say I do not acknowledge that the tough times can simply be casted away by a mere click of deletion and with no particular reference to anyone, a break occasionally could be a wise choice. :]

Oh, to those whom I’ve always professed to be a natural Buddhist while in the meantime practising none of its beliefs? I don’t think I could be loosely labelled as practising freethought either because I do hold my spiritual beliefs and morals to quite a high extent, although it may not seem like it. Under certain circumstances, I’d never possibly imagine myself as a family person with strong faith in ties but since I’m the no# best potential father as voted by fellow facebook-ians, its freaky to say that the more I try to laugh it away the more I think it will occur! Haa. I think I now understand how older people can hold on to their religion ever so closely as they get mellowed and lonelier... but these fanatical teens? By all means no offence, but I will consult someone because I’m really curious to know. :]

I probably am asking this for the umpteenth time much to the dismay of everyone, but please do tell me what else I can do to prepare myself for the harsh and cruel world during these holidays. Though I may not get the chance or ingredients to cook when I get there, but practise wouldn’t harm. So two days ago I started surfing the net for recipes on the classic ‘fah sang juk’ which translates to groundnuts porridge. Well, it was a suddenly inspired effort (also due to the fact that I was bored to hunger) so although some listed grand ingredients like oysters and clams, I had to omit them and mix and match with what I had. The one thing that I regretted not having were the must-have-scallops, in which I searched ever so thoroughly in the fridge but much to my disappointment mom told me that it wasn’t stocked since a while ago. As this was the first time, there were obviously flaws like the peanuts not being soft enough (this is because I only soaked them for 3 hours and not overnight, what to do I’m so hungry and gluttonous) and there weren’t any substantial flavour other than the chicken seasoning I used (again, blame the scallops). However, I still treat it as an overall success because now I’m getting nods compared to last time when mom said my salads were too sour for her liking. In which I would still defend because me thinks it taste good enough. And the best part is no one in my household is anywhere near the vegetable person I am so I can have it all to myself, haa! I shall experiment more on making some hearty meals and at the same meantime, get to put on weight as well. That is definitely on my list. :]

At times, I do feel I’m constantly disappointing the people around me and everyone seems to be frustrated because I don’t know who I am. But I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those whom stayed and took the effort to and not dishearten them anymore. Hence, the garden makes a comeback to give back. This may be something new but pictures will start to flow in if I figure out the blogspot format and get a decent camera. :]

anniversary

2008-09-07T22:03:00.004+08:00

Well. A post to commemorate one year of silence! (being the hermit crab I am)

I think it was alarmingly surprising to see this, even I am too. But fret not, if by any chance there are still any loyal and faithful readers here, thankew! Not that it matters if they aren't anyway.

So once my holidays begin, the garden's hedges will be trimmed, new plants set to grow, where butterflies across the horizons mingle and the once beautiful waterfall will once again cascade from atop. And then we shall see, what outlook I have gained from my quest for insight in the past year. It seems I'll just need to hold out till then. :-)

He says, she says.

2007-09-07T03:01:00.000+08:00

Yo, here's the most recent update. You might probably be thinking, gosh finally the lazy pig has got it going. Well actually, I'm preoccupied with plenty of stuffs. Busy would be such an understatement. It's not like I totally can't find time to blog / facebook at all, considering I could delay other works to do so, the procrastinator existing in me. And then Bri gladly pointed out what a failure I am. Omg, not good. So I was thinking, he says I need to post more often, and I do really think so too. But why why why dont I? Probably I don't because I don't do things that I feel compelled to. The more I'm expected to do something, the more I back away. The more you're told not to do something, the devil inside just had to insist you do it. Being stubborn? Or is it due the the difference in doing what you actually like and prefer, than to carry out responsibilities binded to us? It seems we humans have weird behaviour.

Conclusion, is that I'll blog. But certainly NOT for your sole satisfaction! Hello, lets not forget who's the tai ko here ok. My territory. Unlike those who have ample time to rot at home, cough cough, I can't simply go online 24/7 requesting people to feed their addiction right. So Bri, I don't care if your blog's gonna have more posts than mine. Quality > quantity. And lets not forget about your inferior blogskin compared to mine. Huahuahua ;P. Okay, maybe I'm a little sidetracked. I mean, I had to retaliate right. Its the art of self-defence. But then again, if anyone would have remarked that I'm a failure, I actually don't have a counter argument. Hrmm, think think.

The past three weeks has been nothing short of assignments and mid-sem tests. Yes, I've past mid-sem already, and you people haven't started. Proud proud, for I'm so much more senior ;). And me holidays's starts just when your term starts. Speaking of karma, its payback time, heh. But yesterday was fantastic. Mainly because my team scored full marks for the last major project before the holi stretch begins. Our dynamics car design practically outdid every other car in every single angle. Lets see if I can get pictures. Apparently, the bumblebee prototype is gonna be recorded by my lecturer going through the preset track. Very fulfilling, to think that out of 50 other teams consisting of equally great minds competing, and its our team that came up tops. Lol. Although dynamics has more to do with mechanical engineering, I must say this would probably be the first time I'd felt right about engineering as the chosen path.

I realised I haven't blogged about my sister. And some of my friends, honestly don't know I even had one. They'd say, ''huh since when you got a sister?'' as if she just popped up from nowhere. This is a rather interesting story she brought back from a school camp she attended last week. It seems their group encountered erm... supernatural stuffs. Or one would say dirty stuffs. Or so she says it was. This group of girls aged 12 was up at 2 am in the morning for toilet visits and was stopped on their way back to their class. They claimed that they saw something whiz past, and tables were vibrating. Well, they managed to let out a scream before they froze. Not that they can't move due to fear, but more like their movement was binded and restricted. Of course, the teacher downstairs probably wondered what went wrong and rushed there. This one girl was said to be possesed, so he had to recite some prayers to make things right. Okay, I'm pretty freaked as well, after hearing what Vincent has to say about MY own school, Redang incident and Rachel's uncle.

My friends dog bit me in the lips as soon as I tried to pet her. I'd really like to think, my first kiss was NOT with a ... dog. That's just swt. And she licking my legs and arms. As if I needed cleaning, hmph. The worst was that she tried to hump my leg! I'd never thought this would happen to me. Such a horny she, geh. But still, a very cute dog. Although she likes chewing my fingers. Errr.

I'd like to say, good luck to Joven, who doesn't have enough girls to droll over in class, to the point he falls asleep. Good luck to Kevin as well, who will be starting ACCA on Monday. And also if you're reading this, welcome ging doo doo. This blogs actually supposed to be a secret, and not that I wanted to hide it from you. I just thought you'd probably dont dig blogs at all. Okay, maybe thats an excuse. You didn't tell me you had one at livejournal also ok? In that case, we're pretty even kan, heh.

I guess I can't wait for next week to end. But many people will be flying off already. Hmm, I think I'll just have to deal with one crisis at a time. Just one at a time.

Here comes Emancipation.

2007-08-31T01:37:00.000+08:00

Have fun celebrating our 5oth National Day, and I shall be content with Garden of Eden achieving silver status of 25 posts. Which really isn't much at all, considering its roots of history dating back to what... nearly a year already. And at the rate some people are going, one post a day, it'll only take them 25 days to achieve what I done in 10 months! Bewildering, iznit?

And there's also the emancipation of some people ( some hooligans ) when they leave for further studies overseas. Let me reveal the latest casualty of Imperial Uni, my lab partner for less than a month, Kisharn. Well to be honest, I wouldn't say I was a teeny bit dissapointed due to the fact he decided to leave me with all the work ( Ervin being very supportive, in the moral sense only ) but really feeling a little loss because this is say,... the third time which I've seen him venture into different paths.

We grew up together in primary, mostly attending quizzes in various schools. How can it not be fun when we're given the opportunity to strut along the foreign surroundings of a different school? And their students will look in awe as you're escorted like VVIP's into the hall, lol. Soon came secondary, where he served a year as headprefect before he left for La Salle Klang after Form 2. I actually hoped he would stay, coz you see...he's a big guy. Two heads taller than me, and with power of being the student head, nobody touches me =P. He stands up for me when I needed someone too, of which I deeply appreciate.

Not that I didnt bother to keep in touch when he left, but we drifted apart somehow. And there was this gap of 3 years until I met him again, when I originally thought I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. There he was again at Taylor's, this time with his new found passion of futsal / basketball and his intensified obsession with F1 cars. We stuck together during the first 2 weeks of college, simply because of this little common link between us, that we were once in the same class. And when we start to know our respective classmates, there it went again. A year and a half of typical hi and bye's.

But there he was again, during that brief stint in Monash. If there was anything to feel homely with in this totally new and strange enviroment, is to have someone which you've known since a good decade ago. How the times have changed, and I thought what I once knew of him would be much less that what he was now. But really, this Kisharn person leaving to UK, is just exactly the same Kisharn that stood up for me many years ago. I daresay, you're still the good ol person I knew then =).

I have an announcement. Apparently, I'm gonna be Kong Leon's senior. O.M.G. Bumping into him yesterday when I was foolishly dropping paper boxes from higher floors was something that I would never have expected.

I'm going uni today. On Merdeka, on a freaking public holiday. And even on Saturday. What have we become. I'd like to wonder.

I've actually set aside a post revolving the tagline, what if I said, I had a wishlist. But considering how busy I am ( and will be), maybe a week from now. If I get through that killer week that is. If there is anything that would get me through, it would be most likely the darkest things, and magic number's love's a game playing through my head. Good night then, poof.

All that we needed

2007-08-23T21:28:00.000+08:00

40 minutes on a car ride. 15 minutes after lunch break. 5 minutes in between lectures. And 20 minutes before bedtime. Okay, these are the time when I'm free, but not quite enough to do something productive. So I daydream, occasionally, to pass the time in a relatively more 'beneficial' way. Compared to just any stoning around, right. There I was, sitting on that bench
observing tiny drops of water drizzling down. And I came up with a random question to ask myself. What movie/series scene left the most impression on me? Counting down would be...

5. Great Expectations

-This is the scene where Ethan and Gwyneth's character are still children. After a dance practice session, little Ethan went over to the fountain of water to quench his thirst. Of course lil Gwyneth followed suit as well, and you should be able to guess what happened. Yes, female kissed male...um while sharing the same stream which they were drinking from. Funny part, coz our little mister's eye was buldging in shock but neither did he resist lol. Cute scene ok, nothing peadophilic or anything!

4. Devil Wears Prada

-I think you know which part. None other than the final scene where Miranda smiled at Anne Hathaway. I don't think any further elaboration is nessecary for this one, heh.

3. Grey's Anatomy - season 3, episode I dont know what

-Accompanied by Snow Patrol's make this go on forever, Meredith got 'pushed' into the freezing sea. On that part, she was seen fighting for her life (perhaps due to sime inadequate swimming skills) but later was revealed that she was indeed an excellent swimmer. The truth is, she willingly decided to just give up right then, to end her sufferings, or so to speak. Only after some pep talk with the people she has seen dying, she decides to regain consciousness once more. And this line from her mom which is my favourite. She told Meredith that she was anything, but ordinary. Really heartwarming.

2. A Walk to Remember

-Basically, this one's has quite a lot. But I'll summarise them. First, if someone would have told that they'ed pray for you. I'm sure almost anyone would assume that they are praying for your good sake, for you have sinned and bla bla. But really, when Jamie said she prayed for Landon, she meant that she prayed for him, literally. Lol, corny but hey I'll bite. Also Miss Sullivan has a dream which she wants to be fulflled, that is to be in two places at a time. Of which, at that instance I didn't think was possible. Until Landon took her to non other than the country's border and walla, put one leg across the border. Wham, mission accomplished!

1. The Orange County - season 2, episode 21

-To those that had been faithful viewers of The O.C, one would know Julie Cooper was a downright evil scheming bitch who gets in everyones way, especially between Ryan and Marissa. And yes, even I hated her. But at the same time hoped that she would one day turn over a new leaf, although much to my dissapointment. Then it all changed. Well you see, this Julie was about to get divoreced and wouldn't recieve a single cent due to her pre-nup. And so she decided to poison and kill her husband on the night before he filed the papers. There was the spiked lemon liqour prepared, unknown to the husband, in which he nearly almost drank a couple of times. When it seemed definite that the glass would touch his mouth, Julie came right to her senses, snatched the wicked glass of liquid, went out of his sight and quickly dispose of the drink. Just as she was returning, her husband suffered from a heart attack and fell into the pool., about to get drowned. Julie returned to see him motionless in the pool, and for once, the good side of her showed. In her screams, I felt that she genuinely loved him and really did wanted to save him, eventhough a second ago was about to poison that old man. Fix you by Coldplay was such an appropriate soundtrack.

To those who know what I'm freaked out about, I was more freaked out today. Swt. I. Will. Try. My. Very. Best. To. Act. Normal. Here I go about again, sifting through my ordinary thoughts day by day, time after time, through my monotonous life. I'm still just the average person standing beside every pole. =)

Gee Gees

2007-08-17T02:35:00.000+08:00

Hey there delilah played before I collected my results. Rain drops keep falling on my head played when I had to rush, like a mad person to finish my maths assignment. And Kau ilhamku played as rejection letter from NTU kicked in.

Why do bad things rain in bulk and more importantly, why during my favourite songs! Ish. Cycle no.3 recorded.

I believe every humane soul has their own twisted way of reasoning to make decisions, solve problems and console their ailing self. And I am no exception. We all do really go to great and extreme lengths to do certain things, and fullfill whatever favours, requests, or expectations. All these based on, nothing but a sole pillar of belief, in which its sheer truth even questionable. Look back, people and ask ourselves. Was it all really worth it, worth it in terms of your own sake? Or rather...the so called 'greater good' of others?

It seems, occupying myself with work has done its purpose. In other words, managing to keep me off track of reality during daytime. However, not so much during the night, when dreams attack randomly. Which explains, why I have been zombiefying to uni every morning since last week and even, even desperately trying to get every ounce of rest. Thus, resulting into naps during maths and PSA lecture, even occasionally daring enough to skip dynamics. Sound sleep at present, is such a rarity. Let me see, the possibility or retaking econs, requesting my physics paper get remarked? Such dreams, stay dreams...I hope.

Some people's characters are pretty intriguing. To lay them out.., Ervin Loh, Quake Ai Fang, and ... probably Kelvin Yip. Friend or foe? Cause me with my crooked sense of reasoning is sensing something neither positive or negative. Trust is hard to gain, even harder to lose, and hardest to gain back. Hmm, I do hope I don't be too judgemental. Most people should be generally nice. Maybe sometimes they appear not, but what's hidden behind that shell dont really show. So actually, they could be nice in a way, should you look from their point of view.
But then again, not ALL nice people get along well.

I think I need some fast food therapy. Or some...say itallianies or chillies. Even pizza nan sounds delicious. Omg, look what Monash's sucky cafeteria has done to me. I'm suffering from exorbitantly priced human fuel defeciency syndrome. Its getting late and raining. Some sound sleep I reckon? If only...well then. Part 2 to come. Nites geegee.

And that someday it will lead me back to you.

2007-07-31T01:04:00.000+08:00

Of all times, it is now I decide to finally set my brain to whip out an interesting piece of recollection of my memories. Physics Quiz 1 about to commence. Ervin decided to shoot down prototype 1, and rebuilt a completely new transport model, rendering my efforts in the past week to be in vain. I suppose I saw that coming anyway, sheesh. Maths homework already stacking like nobodies business, not to mention Process Systems Analysis. 5 by 5 matrices for assignment?! And that's why we will all go gaga soon enough. Yes, I'm whinning. I chose this time and place to whine because its the only place I have to find solitude.

I am being extremely judgemental. New faces in uni seemed awfully familiar. I mean, I thought I've met them somewhere...but in truth, I've never met them before! Strange, I know. People you've seen in your same bloody college, but never spoken before and all of a sudden, you're hanging out with them all day! Doubly strange. I finally get to see the bigger picture of friendster and what they termed, second and third degree friends. People are bound to what is like a circular flow, a small one, for the world is indeed small.

Anyway, allow me to introduce my lectureres.

Dr. Ooi - Process Systems Analysis
= She reminds me of Aunt Selena, although she does not look like her and speaks no where near her.

Dr. Lan - Physics
= I have no clue why, but this gotta be one of those twins from adventures of Tin Tin.

Mr. Tan - Mathematics
= This one bears so much resemblance to my former tuition teacher, I almost thought it was really him, or perhaps a sibling. Surely the face structure was a little different, but other than that, the way and tone of his speech, the way he moves his fingers were drop dead identical. Omg, I think he even used the same gel to comb his hair. It looks exactly the same!

Mr. Keith Liow - Dyanamics
= By far the youngest and I would mention, lousiest as well. But thats besides the point. For some reason, watching him walk along the auditorium with that smile etched on his face felt like watching Peter Parker strutting along streets in New York. And yes, 'even rain drops keep falling on my head' were playing in my head.

Okay, I think I've gone deranged. So now you see whats beginning to get to me.

Ps. For random unknown purposes, I've marked a spot in history when I prepared my very first tri-storey sandwich.

Pss. I declared war against mosquitoes. The last time I recall having more than 3 bite marks were 8 years ago, when my legs looked very much like a dalmation. Which were pretty darn itchy, with 15+ marks and all swt. But I shall NOT tolerate you swooping down my ear! Even when I had to wake up every 20 minutes to scratch. Now I won't even let you bite me anymore. Brace youselves, annoying quitoes...for I have SHIELTOX!

Exactly. Haih =(

Right back where we started from.

2007-07-17T03:16:00.001+08:00

Yes, to those that wondered. I'm back to where I was, almost exactly a year and a half ago.

As of today, I will be officially starting lectures.

Just because I didn't say a thing, it doesn't mean I'm okay with it.
( And so it happens, again I go unnoticed.)

I don't know, don't care, don't ask.

I try very hard to not know, to not care...but I cannot.

So don't ask, cause I ain't ready to answer.

It was better when the day's are gone, so much better when the night's come.

And then we realise we've drifted to no where.

Oh really, as I ponder.

as there is no reason not to.

2007-07-06T22:06:00.001+08:00

Now that the blogging frenzy has gone out of control and everyone has been updating their blogs. Here I am, once again putting together a bunch of pixels to satisfy your crave.

Welcome Bri. Welcome MinXi. And welcome to the people that visits this blog, that I've yet to know of. By all means, identify yourself. Or risk being shot down as intruders. The reason why this blog has been so secret, would probably be because I don't like strangers reading stuff which I consider meaningful to me. Let's just sum me up as a private person.

I actually have a lot of stories in mind. Redang was indeed awesome, but could have been better.
The first day was no doubt the longest. Seems almost a lot like 2 days, because it was two days. Didn't sleep because we were all so excited XD. Lets just say this is the first time I've boarded a plane with my own. Packed my bags myself. I have a say, in what I want to do, and when I want to do. Feels extremely fulfilling, to be able to be independent. This means, I don't mind mopping the whole room. I don't mind wiping the whole room. Nice what, squeaky clean you know!

Snorkelling is so not memorable ok. Sea water tastes like crap. You feel dehydrated almost instantly, and the snorkelling mask was say...the most irritating eyewear of the century. And my oh my, the stupid safety jacket has this strap that hurts the groin area. Grr. I didn't see the gigantic fish. Ginger was so afraid of fishes. Rach got bitten by a hungwee fish. And Mar's goggles keep coming off. To those that knew that I mistaken Yu Ling's hairband as a blue coral...let us all pray for it's peace beneath the depths of the oceans.

What I'll indefinitely miss about the things there would be...my lime green kayak which I never had the chance to row. Beach volleyball which I didn't manage to set my hands on. Strolls along the beach with the water gently reaching me feet. And the microscpoic blue sand that I didn't set my eyes on. I could have gone in more in detail about the trip, but lazy lah. Not like I haven't told you people anyway. And those who went for the trip wouldn't need me to summarise it for them. All in all, Redang was great, and will always remain.

I probably am still suffering from the post trip emo syndrome. After I got a tad too emotional when we all were leaving. Oh well, it will eventually happen I suppose, in one way or another. Do take care, everyone.

I have been out almost every single day since Redang. Except for two days. Which is a LOT. So frequent that I'm downright broke till I had to resort to an alternative method to dig up even more pocket money.

So it is then I made my penultimate decision. While listening to Maboroshi Memory I had this thought. That there is after all no reason for me not to enrol? Either way, me still walk a separate pathway from my classmates. Sooner or later, its gonna happen. Perhaps a little selfish to say this, but I don't want to be left out when so very many important people walk away to their uni's. Thus, I should start my journey. Four years man.., sounds like forever. After all, A levels alone was ...um. Heh, eventhough short, be it somewhat of a dissapointment or not, I think it just might have affected 33% of my 19 years of life. Serious.

Something snapped me out of the Dream

2007-06-20T21:27:00.000+08:00

Ouch. Painful muscle aches since Saturday. Bruised leg. I'm not sure if I can do this anymore.

NTU sucks, which would most likely mean I'm heading over to Monash. Holidays cut short till July. Oh well, maybe I'd see familiar faces there. Mikki, Sonya, CJ, Selva.. lets see. Who else ah?

I found myself in very similiar scenes from Grey's ( which I haven't been downloading recently. Drat, I'm missing out on some good humour ) I saw multiple beds with curtains just like in Dr. Baileys Clinic. I saw the surgery board, with a nurse erasing and scribbling on it. One thing for sure, there wasn't any hot nurse ( compliments to the high amounts of tudung worn ) and neither was there any McSteamy. =(

But more importantly, the doctors here have absolutely no compassion at all. And they speak broken english. Which could hardly be their fault, considering the patients aren't that well versed themselves. I've seen the obvious hardship of some. Suddenly all the glitz and glamour of the rich and famous meant zero.

6 freaking hours. And no food for I don't know how many hours. Pissed I am. Annoyed and irritated as well. But I shall not snap. Promise is a promise.

A tribute to Mr. Mu ( and slightly for Seo lah. Pity him ). If not for you, my chem would be long gone into the drain. Thank you for being unlike Seo, and knowing when or how much pressure to put on me. Had to look up Mu in the dark ballroom. Without specs, all I see were figures passing me. But that almost bright pink shirt instantly recognised. I couldn't look him in the eye, because I know I might cry. Looks like I won't be sitting in his class anymore. Haha, I remembered the times when Mu first came into class. Like a military officer. Strict and tough as a shell. So not true =P

One section to rant. It took me 5 minutes to visit the washroom. And my blazer was gone. My keychain was stolen. And then I was almost robbed. I have such lovely classmates, I know -_-. Erine, you take care too.

Fuck you, whoever it is for stealing my keychain. Bloody fucktard.

I need to leech someone's prom pictures. I don't have =(.

OH. Almost forgot. Some smart ass was peeing in the toilet. But convieniently forgot to close the door. And yours truly were so lucky to think its empty, gladly pushed the door and almost went in. Then I noticed there's a person in it. What the crap, exactly. I apologised once, and he did twice. Thank you, I think I rugi more for that to happen to me. Pfft.

I'm think I'm nice. Mostly. If I wanted to. To be nice for the sake of being nice, or for the sake of being treated nice. It has lost its meaning. Nice huh, yeah right. Niccceee.

I had this weird dream. It is dangerous to feel so much for something, for it being harder to let go. Even more dangerous to have one relationship which is more important to yourself than the other. But frankly, how can such feelings be entirely equal for there is no fine line for something so abstract? whatever larh. Ah, muscle man. I always knew what you said. And I really hate it. But I still love the people in the class. There goes the saying with love comes hate huh. well, something snapped me out of the dream I was having - Snow Patrol's never gonna fall in love again.

Disclaimer : In no way have I implied anything which violates any sensitive issues like racism. Whatever written and read, contains some truth and some not. Therefore, it should be deemed fictional, but not purely. And I'm not nice all the time. I'm can be selfish too, just like everyone else.

Of dreams and dreams

2007-06-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

I tried to do more econs past years, but its the last paper man. If there were any gas left, its finishing. Fast. So a brief nap made up for some much required energy, but sadly at the cost of more practise on questions lah. And then I realised I had to leave for college in 15 minutes time. Bath, chuck in notes, and change. Off I go.

Seeing college for possibly the very last time, I made my way to the lifeless library atmostphere...and I find no one. Omg, not even a single person from my class. Swt, might as well finish up the most two recent papers la. And then dave came. And the rest of them. Sheen was waving at me but I was bluring. Sorry lah, thats as far as my vision could get. Lousy jin han had lan ci in front of me. Hmph, pointing out answers like that! Grr...fine. I know I won't do well. Just fail la, then I know Sien owes me lunch. Lunch at Ms. Read's ok? I havent try XD

Now that the exams are over, I can finally cut my hair. And my nails. And shave. I suppose its gross la, unkept hair, long nails and excessive facial hair. But its a form of superstition. Tennis players believe that during their in victory streak, they shouldnt shave. So that they retain their current hot form, or so to speak. Cough, cough. I hereby announce that I shed of 4kg from my skeletal frame during this 3 weeks. I dont know how la, but no eating disorders, thank you. Just..the sheer exam effects. Its birthday for Vince, which I promised to compensate, considering how busy I was during that stretch of time.And then Sonya. Jeff. Kevin. Wallet getting sucked dry. Bleh.

Prom? Simple and formal. Wont dress to impress. Nothing flashy.

Redang? I need something suitable. Don't wanna end up wearing speedos. ( Much to mar's delight, or dismay )

And since Asia.net's connection is ever so sucky, I shall say I have recieved ur message. I wont have any comments section, many thanks to my laziness, but maybe a tagboard. See first lah. And since everyone else scored horrible for my entry exam ( Vince disqualified for his foolishness ) the graph shall be lowered. Sien top-scorer, proud? heh. Meredith may be hot, but there are many other factors influencing the choice as well ;P. I didnt verbally wish you good luck every paper la, but rest assured I did for the whole exam.

So basically, A levels concluded. It feels so sad to have dave ask me to forgive his misdoings =/. Not that I remember he did any, but dont say things like that larh. Chill, we still will see each other. Or maybe not. Swt. Have you ever want so much so badly, and when you finally achieved it, it doesnt feel so great anymore. I wanted to finish so fast, I ended up getting more tired than ever. So yeah, no KLCC or partying.

I'm staring out into the sky,

The miles are getting longer, it seems

These places and faces are getting old,

Well I'm going home =)

2007-06-03T11:27:00.000+08:00

The last ten day study break was quite productive, maybe not in Jin Han's terms.. but I'm proud to announce a turnover from fail to something better for chem =D. Did 90% of past years, and nearly all 48+ and above, fuiyoh! And very bangga.

Until I reached May/June 07 of course. Having not touched colourimetry, labelling bacteria eating copper ridiculous and underestimating buckyballs took a toll on me. I think I almost got the whole question of that paper chromotagraphy wrong. Siennie who was getting frustrated all over convieniently allowed me to compare our plotted graphs. Identical. But later I realised I did a mistake in determining the correct scale, and another mistake in plotting according to the correct scale. There goes two mistakes cancelling each other off, lucky me XD.

I might be accused of being insensitive in saying this, but you're a person who I would never thought would be on a low point. Maybe I'm too used with all those smiles and happy attitude, picturing a depressed you don't really seem to make much sense. If there is something bothering you, please don't say it's nothing. Because it comes from you, it only gets me more worried. So no matter how sucky my advice can get, I was there with two good pair of ears. I may know a bit of you, or guess a little, but intuition only gets that far. Although I expected a more major problem, don't break. Cause then I'll crack. Don't ever feel left out, you still have Patrick =).

Basically this exam stuff is really getting to me. I already have a full collection of dreams about the lecturers, which was nicely completed by Ms. Esther few days ago. Weirdo I am. Vince's birthday in a weeks time, and I lost money. Real bad timing -.-. Pigfish is busy with his Piggy, Siennie is busy with Mr.JT, Bambi is busy with ahem, Muscle Man is busy with Jacqui and even Sonya is busy with finals...omg no one has time for me anymore. Greeno is also busy trying to mug econs, even him doesnt have time for himself. The only thing that keeps me going,... are my sweets. All hail trebor sour plum sweets!

37.5% of A2 done. This reminds me of maple -.-. I don't know how I miraculously survived those long hours, but it wont be soon before long. I mean hello, anyone realised prom is this month? Also REDANG underway! No parental control for four days, quality time with classmates to top things up. White sandy beaches, cool refreshing air, pristine waters, and nothing better than a nice shade of tan. Mmmmmmm, a dream about to get real. Yes, YOU there. This time, YOU should feel left out. HMPH =PpP

It Linger's Always

2007-05-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

What I probably need now isn't a post to write on how I feel, but rather someone that I could talk to. Someone who is aware of what I'm thinking about. Someone that can tell me that its okay to hate this and that. And someone to stand by me as I walk away from college. Or maybe I'm a little angry all this while, I don't really know what I'm really angry about anymore.

I didn't cry after primary school was over. Well, I'm still gonna see majority of them in secondary school anyway. I didn't after secondary school either. I didn't think there was any need for that, because I still saw them eventually. Somehow, this time feels different. Marissa is a happy person. Seeing her eyes swell, I sang her the graduation song and told her we would always be friends forever. It was a deliberate attempt to make her cry because she wouldn't. Plainly because she's happy. But I saw those tears. I suddenly found myself at a low point. I feel bad. Like a jerk.

Maybe I'm not expressing my sadness due to my self-denial. And I still tell myself, don't worry. The end is near, but there are still weeks. There is still time, but quickly running out. I hope I could turn back time to spend time with my friends and experience it all over again ( not to gain 30 new friends like Albert -_- ). I wish I could have known them sooner. But I think it is still ok, for I honestly love pe5 =)

I want to gossip with Marissa and tease her about her hair.
I want Choy Koon to accidently blurt out how she looks forward for hard bodies in UK.
I want Ashwin to spill out updates on Laveena and Maxxie.
I want to hear Jin Han tell me how a screwed up no muscle person I am.
I want Nico to say Hi to me.
I want Sukhdave to call me Ogoipees.
I want to listen to Yuk Chang telling me how he enjoyed whoever last night.
I want to hear Rachel go eiyerrr when she finds out she's being left out.
I want Brian to order me to erase the whiteboard.
I want Julian to boast about how good Nadal and Sharapova is.
I want Kevin to make his spelling errors and cheesy lines.
I want to see Ginger box and kick Joven.
I want Hui Sien to tell me how lifeless I am.
I want to find Hui Ann's labcoat and tell her the kakak's threw it.
I want to shakkahou and twitterpate Li Sheen.
I want to catch Alice and her friend together.
I want to boo Yu Ling and scare her.
I want Dimishtra to ask me how am I.
I want Joshua to tell Mrs. Lim off.
I want Silas or Sean to pop out of no where to give me a hug.
I want Wai Kit to drive me around with all his soft toys.

I want to know we will all be fine and will always keep in touch. Friends? Friends we are =)

2007-05-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

I came across this pretty interesting post.

The most depressed people are, more often than not, the ones who try to make others laugh. At their expense or not I can’t really decide. But I do know that they do that in order to get themselves infected with laughters. If not, their humour won’t be as wry, quick-witted or insanely weird.

Laugh, if you must. The last thing I need now is not being able to.

True or not, its yourself that decide.

2007-04-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

Bluak. There's a few things I never want to eat. It's sometimes a little ironic because me myself always complain that Kevin does not finish his vegetables. And I'll go, "Whats the point of ordering a vege pizza if your REMOVING all the onions and capsium?!" ( I believe Kev meant capsicum ) like a naggy B, before ending my lecture with "don't be so picky with your food,
spoilt brat".

But I for one, CANNOT stand char koey teow. Consider it something like... an allergy. Coz everytime it's eaten, I feel like puking. And I finally did a few hours ago, accelerated by Mie's fresh orange juice. Oops, there goes everything I've consumed down the sink. Sorry =/

Also, I FEAR expensive and high end dining places. I feel extremely lucky to have not agreed to buffet at jogoya, be it escargos or not. Doubly lucky for being able to laugh at Joven for coughing up RM78++ haha! I knew very well, its not as if Mandy hasn't tried drag me to japanese buffets at all. Yeah, she tried all right =P. So I'll make it this way, first visit to Planet Hollywood was ice-water-only-please-thank-you-very-much. Period XD.

I must say, Albert's personal messages are quite disturbing at times. Some are;

- do people regard being greeted with a 'Hi' in msn trophies to be kept and displayed, but not replied. Or something to that
effect.

- May Cho ( yes, the gunman ) and the others rest in peace. It's everyones fault.

I mean, even I sometimes felt that he is being left out, let alone himself. But what can I do? Haih, I try treating everyone in a friendly manner. Instead things are filled with hipocrisy and the so called silent-war continues among us classmates. Whatever la, have it your way people. I want no part in this. Nothing in NEITHER party, that is.

I already feel better after some medicine =). Now back to Mie's juice.

2007-04-21T04:09:00.000+08:00

I am not happy with my results. Holidays are ending. It looks like we would soon be working our asses of doing past years the next month, before enduring the torturous A2 examination. And then only comes... the (temporary) break. So not happy at all.

Others have already garnered their nicknames like Oxford boy, Cambridge boy, Imperial girl, LSE crowd. I really hope its NTU for me, not asking too much right? =/. Mom says I should be living alone, yay! Something which I have been looking forward to, but lets see how things turn out first.

On a day I slept 16 hours, I had a dream marathon. I know sleeping for so long isn't all healthy, but 6 hours for the past few days is a good reason for such compensation. Anyway, one dream of note would be of Mrs. Lim. Now of all people, why the devilish wicked witch from the seventh floor of hell you ask? Because in that time, she was especially nice in telling me it is OK to score D for Maths. It is OK to score a 57. It is OK because the last questions of paper 3 and paper 4 were extremely hard, and we aren't expected to answer it. ....I deserve a smack, for putting her in such good light. She even admitted she wasn't a good teacher and poor us suffered too much. A dream is only a dream afterall -_-''.

I so happen to graze my knee. Moments later I felt blood oozing out. It didn't feel painful, but I was definitely hurt. Strange, huh? Apparently, its because only my oh-so exterior blood vessel was ruptured without affecting any receptors...swt. I suppose we do collide sometimes, just not known to ourselves.

Haih, tennis in a few more hours. Coach called in advance to request I spar with Chow at 9 am sharp ( don't I every week, and since when time has been on Coach's list ), then pan mee for lunch, go home and sleep. Pretty much routine. Gee gee gee.

2007-04-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

Here comes a very relieving two weeks holidays. Haaaaaaaaah, plenty is finally let out. Everything seemed done, if not so nicely. But I think I really shouldn't bother anymore, or so I'm told. Very nearly walking away mith my mind set on university life, I forgot that I still owe several peeps. Perhaps after A2 would I head to that Hilton buffet, lunch at chilli's or probably never. I don't know. In fact, there is so much I don't know, I might fail my life. What is left unspoken are like empty holes, just like those blanks left in exam papers. Ish, looks like failing physics seems inevitable.

No regrets returning to my alma mater for canteen day. Contrary to what others might think, it was actually a lot of fun. The people that I met back was fun, so to speak. First up was Dhinesh, one that I'm not really close with but still the conversation keeps flowing in. Its funny, I feel more comfortable talking to him than some of my current classmates. And there was Wai Sum, my chinese confidante at the school's corporation. Some time was spent catching up, just like old times. He also said that I've upgraded myself, in terms of looks and speech. Even Jancie said I kept my 'figure', unlike many that get bloated upon graduation. Huahuahua, everyone loves compliments, dont they? Why thank you =). I think its gonna be quite a while till we meet again, but nevertheless good luck to Wai Sum for A2 and Dhinesh with his erm...hot chick! XD

How to Save a Life has been my phone alarm for nearly a year and a half now. Its ironic people only notice recently how good that song is. Well, you didnt acknowledge it then but later proclaimed how nice that song is. I just cant help thinking I've been taken for granted, you know? I have a lot that I believe in. You can't question something about me and then say, oh you were right about it. It doesn't work that way, baka -_-.

Keane's lyrics are quite fitting as to what I have in mind now. Like how bibi had pointed out, I no longer adore Kingdom Hearts. I forgot how FF10-2 ended, and have yet to complete KH2. To come to think of it, I was a gamer, I was always chatting online, I go out more often and is always ever so passionate about tennis. Nuh-uh, it hasn't been like that in a while though. I felt it, suddenly it all means a little nothing to me. Never put it back on me because you too have changed.

So little time,

Try to understand that I'm,

Trying to make a move just to stay in the game,

I try to stay awake and remember my name,

But everybody's changing,

And I don't feel the same.

Boo. I'm probably turning my sleeping hours around to finish Naruto asap. I've done 50 episodes in three days, and you say I don't treat you nice enough? Hpmh, how dare you! Ish, be patient larh, it will soon fall into your hands. Soon that is, which spans anything from a week to two, in this case. Hehe.

So this is it. Have things your own way, but I have the right to be equally selfish. Keep your eyes open, and I won't be pictured.

2007-03-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

Bad things do come in bulk. It catches you when you are most unaware, and ultimately suck out ALL the fun your having. Tsk tsk, sad right but I'm not here to whine. In fact, I'm not gonna say anything because I don't think I have any obligation to. I mean, what am I suppose to say at times like this? I can't lose my grip, not now.

I'm truly sorry for your dad's passing. Even more sorry when I only knew it ONE WEEK later. And thats when I couldn't even offer my condolences for the fear that it might continue to upset you. I can't say I know how you feel Vince, but perhaps nearly there. Cancer might be hereditary, so are heart problems. Maybe we would one day suffer from it eventually.

Yes yes, it seems like hearty Kit has been enjoying lately. Actually, not surprising for a person who does leisure smoking and casual drinking to socialise. But don't till you get drunk. Because what if...those kind of accidents happen xD. Right, everything is possible now since the boundaries to freedom has been oliberated. And I certainly wouldn't want to hear you wailing over skype out of a sudden. It's freak-ay ya know?

Trials keeps popping into my head every 10 seconds, its really starting to get irritating. I can't revise when I get headaches from being irritated. And that's when I resort to sudoku to rid off that headache, something supposedly educational which I'm comparatively better at. But encountering a diabolical sudoku is such a pain. I get even more irritated. Damn such accelerating effects. Gah.

Stupid Seo and his turn-off-smokey voice. How un-sexy. Haha, pity Bri for getting his private message(s) read out in class. But really, why oh why did you send it to him in the first place? Out of all people from your contacts, it had to be him swt. Therefore, I hereby declare that the usage of okay, kay and k at the end of a sentence has been banished from my vocabulary. Not if it is as a one word reply though, hey at least it doesn't sound 10 times worse like how gross Seo puts it!

Ah, now for completely random and irrelevant information about the blogster here. I don't know why I'm posting this, but it gets my mind off chemistry a little.

1) I sometimes can't sleep without my bolster. Not because I wouldn't have something to hump on -_- ...I don't know, really.

2) If I dont seem to notice you from a distance of a few feet, dont overreact. I'm not ignoring you. The reason as to why my eyesight is bad would probably be that three scratches in my left cornea. I might have been on general anaesthetic. Yes, I had surgery. I think. Sheesh, I really can't remember.

3) My brother is a shopaholic. Which is why I get to steal and wear new stuffs ocassionally. Until he orders me not too hehe.

4) Subconsciously, I may act bimbo. But its really on purpose. I secretly laugh seeing how others react to it ;P.

5) I use to be involved in long jumps. One that represented the house somemore. Even I can't believe I'm that person. Not anymore now.

6) I hate getting all tanned up. I think my tan lines make me look ugly. Like a zebra.

7) I recall being almost dead from a roller coaster ride. No more coasters for me.

8) At the age of 6, I called those colourful patches seen in a puddle of water mixed with oil 'monsters'. And when I told my mom, she asked where ;D

9) I quit piano classes because I hated my teacher. Same goes for taekwondo.

I also remember thinking there was a higher form of pattern in our everyday lives. Like, luck was bad today. It will be good tommorow. But fate really doesn't change. Ish children, heh. Those were the long gone days.

2007-03-03T20:12:00.000+08:00

These days are tiresome tired. Trials in 3 weeks(!) but I'm feeling sick tired, pissed off, emo and want to be alone. Actually, I like the latter ones...just not trials =.=. And if there was anything I want to be saved from, it's that HUGELY stacked econs notes lying on my desk. It is not tasty nor yummylicious, I cannot mug them to produce not one, but 2 friggin flawless essays.

I did 17 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 3 in 5 days. The much emo-er, funnier, and worth the guilthy pleasures in comparison to...House. Seriously, having interns sleeping around with doctors are way better than a crippled one bossing others around. And GA makes people tear/cry, like I did for several episodes. I guess that would be a testament on how good that show is, for being able to reach out to it's audience.

I have always looked out for the best interest of my friends, regardless of everyone. But still, to have my line of friendship questioned by people whom does not understand dissapoints me, if not entirely angry. I've tried to explain but no, it doesnt seem to make sense. So maybe I should give up and let go. It hurts to have all the trust that I've put, just to find out that I am not a friend because I don't talk to you always, I am not a friend because I don't do things with you, and that I am not a friend because I wasn't there. It isn't realised that there is other people, the 'outcasts' who needs some company. Furthermore, you have the popular company with you, so I am not needed. I really am not needed, because you never made me feel that I was.

To have that trust violated, I was expected to pretend that things were ever so lovely? And instead, it was I that have changed when I stopped calling and when I stopped talking. How is it fair to have it put on me that way?

The curent big question is, how has college been? (or will be)...Hmmm, I dont know. I haven't had any answers from those who asked me. I mean, that question arised because something went wrong right? Because a question of such isn't something to be brought up at a totally random time. Should I be worried? Should I step in and help, for I am a friend of theirs? I would have but that just isn't something that I would be sure of nowadays. I'm tired and I've had enough. I'm downright fed up. So is there a last reason to make this last for as long as it could?

2007-02-23T02:13:00.000+08:00

Thoughts...and more thoughts. That was what I spent my current holidays on. And no Sheen, I'm not being a spoil sport, having requested to be saved from the Gong Xi onslaught. It's just during all the Chinese New Year celebrations hype. being surrounded by sickening CNY music (yes, that Gong Xi Gong Xi Ni Yat one) really really gets on my nerves.

I think I'm beginning to become a threat at the gambling table. Most people, including my friends would assume that I'm a piece of easy meat. But halt, don't go thinking I would give my angpao so easily, heh. This year's grande total of winnings are ... (drums) - RM3...yes, thats a negative profit. Why am I still being so contented on losing money? Coz we five friends played poker, and stakes are high you know! 50 cents for base and per card, it was good enough that I almost break even and had no losses or profit. It was really exciting to be able to pretend (hence, the name poker face) that you have really godly cards and by raising the stakes, you could force your opponents to give up all the money at the table =).

Waiting for us after gambling was ... ta-da, Dim Sum at 1.30 am! Hehe, ha kao and chicken porridge...totally yummylicious. The best part would probably be that Sean decided to be responsible for the bill, reason being that he is already earning an income. Oh dear, speaking of which...these are friends that I've known for 12 years. It reminds me how lucky I am to have such company (or to be considerably old) even after all those tedious schooling years. And when I backtrack to those times, it almost seemed a short while ago we talked about almost every other fun, crazy and nonsensical stuffs. While everyone is already driving, studying degrees, or working...I really wonder where do I stand. There is this bit inside me that fear growing up, because of the weight to excell as an individual in the light of many people.

But if I don't, I know I wont be able to keep up with all my friends and eventually, lose them forever. Now, we wouldn't want such things to happen right? So cheers to them people, whom I've known since primary...and not to forget me close college friends as well, hehe.

Comeback, no?

2007-02-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

Right, it has been a while. A little too long maybe, but really...there isn't much time for me to blog anyway since college started. Plenty of things would have happened in a month's time, but maybe I could use my some sort of photographic memory ability to lay it all out in words.

The start to 2007 was marred for being absent from the first class of Economics, because I was late...so late in fact, I decided to skip class to save me the embaressment. I would have preferred to be dead with a beatle car in an accident than to show up 40 minutes late with a red flushing face, seriously. But other than that, every other minor common thing went rather well. Partly because I was feeling happier, and perhaps a little more chatty than usual. Oh well, the truth was I missed my classmates a lot...awww. Suh-weet right? Then there was the planned trip to Sunway Lagoon which inevitably got cancelled thanks to Mr. Mu, our star chemistry teacher who came to lectures with a very thick and scruffy beard hours after touching down at the airport. Excuse mua, but it almost seemed as if he was a terrorist that accomplished his mission to hijack a plane from India.

I didn't mind much anyway, because I wasn't keen to visit a place which I haven't been to in a decade. NOT because AS results are released the very next day, NOT because we would be scrutinising or be scrutinised among ourselves...but I had a more valid reason to choose not to go. Secret, period hehe.

Oh, I got some favourable results alright. But the things that followed weren't so nice to witness. However, there was this one statement which was made that got me real irritated. Honestly, it was boiling hot. So listen up clearly, if you think you are superior to everyone else, you got it way wrong, you were so deluded by the suckups till the obvious had become oblivious. So save your smart comments to yourself unless you can actually top what others had done in reality. Don't even try to bullshit me with your sob stories about others not communicating well if you continue to be that way. No one would want to befriend a person that expects them to approach him always right? And you would go critisising them behind their backs. Just stop, I've had enough of hypocrits.

Also don't even dare ask me why am I being cold and bring up those times which we were closer together, on how we were so alike and best friends forever. I hate it when people demand to have what I have, so get off my back. Honestly, it wasn't that close to begin with. You had never listened to my opinions because your arrogance wouldn't let you trust me, I'm certainly being taken for granted. In truth, my best friend in the last year and a half has been no one but myself, when I was often forced to sew and patch myself up. Those times are when I got closer to myself to know who I really am. And you even had the guts to raise your voice on others when it is clearly your fault. Don't use your pity tales as an excuse, it is pathetic enough already to be seen letting your temper out on everyone. Do that again to any of my friends, I will stop you, and I mean it.

My status - not so good now, drat damn those discontenment. I'm not emo, but rather addicted to Bleach. It's so interesting, I couldn't stop watching. Till I finished 50 episodes in 3.5 days. But I will be patient, after all.. I will get to watch those next week anyway yay! Yawn, I'm feeling tired already after a long day... time for bed. Tata!

2007

2007-01-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

Ta-dah, a very happy new year to all my devoted reader(s). I know, such a dead blog right? But don’t blame me! Blame the EARTHQUAKE, zomg. No thanks to that bullshit that left me frustrated with no stable internet connection for days -__-’’. Let’s get down to business, shall we? Year Da-ble-owh 7, a new beginning and an end to the previous beginning, which was the end to the previous previous beginning.

Year 2006 was one of the better years. In fact, one which I’ve learnt, experience and attempted various new things I had never done before. A little enlightenment perhaps, for example;

Got my very first handphone, k750i, months after I lost my brothers old nokia 3100... After a week of using it. Oh well, no one’s complaining and for once, my dad got his taste right in selecting the phone for me.

Visited Zouk, but still -no- to alcohol. -yes- sparkling wine.
Spending huge amounts of money on foods and clothes without feeling guilty. I can’t love my new Adidas feather lite shoes more :P

Found my way to places via LRT and public buses without help, hehe.
Coming home late, sometimes up to 2 am in the morning! And forced to skip school the next day, swt.

My hair’s changed, proving my brother wrong in saying that I’m condemned to look the same for-e-vah. But even I was surprised, heh.

Successfully cut down the amount of time spent on online games by half, but double the amount of time sleeping or lepak-ing around the house.

Able to drink cups of coffee without getting headaches. Solution; 1 teaspoon of Nescafe + 3 teaspoons of Milo, lol. It tastes better than the original‘s, seriously.

So it is, one chapter complete; the next being written. A big thank you and huggles to all of you which this blog is known to, for being there on those times I needed some company. And somehow, I hoped I’ve been there too. I’m having irregular sleeping hours, sometimes insomnia…and college is soon, noooo! So little time to get back on track, oh well. Bed’s calling, tata :o)

All you wanted

2006-12-21T07:01:00.000+08:00

Could I no longer feel sincerity, or is it just clouded at the moment, so faded till its existence negligible? You wanted things that you despise from me, I had given them up and letting it go. Better now than then, right. I couldn't live with lies and pressure, not anymore. It feels lighter now, without such burden to carry. No more being judged into sides for every movement or decision. In fact, it is so carefree till the point I would want to just dance away in heavy rain. Wonderful to be able to feel raindrops, but even better if there was someone to share with. Maybe just someday...

Those were the moments

2006-12-20T07:41:00.000+08:00

I didn't realise how much I missed FF-X until I viewed an AMV of it featuring Jason Mraz's You and I, Both. It is so emotional and touching, I could tear right now. Somehow, I'd hope to be Tidus someday having those moments, even if I were soon to discover that I was nothing but a mere dream and non-existing. But I'm well aware that it is only fantasy, huh.

Yuna: Stay with me, until the end please?
Tidus: Not until the end... always.

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me

Oh things are gonna happen naturally

And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side

And balancing the whole thing

But often times those words get tangled up in lines

And the bright lights turn to night

Until the dawn it brings

Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

2006-12-18T06:25:00.000+08:00

When I was younger, people refer to me as the 'eraser' - white, bouncy and pure. Till it gets dirty when corrupted by unhealthy surroundings as time passes. And when I grew older, I was a 'pencil' - nerdy, brown pencil with some little dark secret inside. That was then, I'm now an ultra thin, blackened 'lead'. The point would be...I need to eat more. Which was why I bought nachos, kinder buenos, chocholate muffins and sparkling juice to go with them. But drat, it doesnt seem like a healthy meal. Not that it really matters when maximum satisfaction is achieved while watching and laughing at Anaconda 2 lol. Movies are twice more fun with junk food, thrice with sparkling wine *_*. And here's to one of my favourite songs;

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

But then again...

2006-12-16T15:47:00.000+08:00

Whoops, tennis did turn up to be fun. Obviously, because I played much better than the previous days. And there was a FREE ice cold Milo booth present. It couldn't be more convienient right, a pure public good just when you needed it. NO rivalry, NO excludability, heh. Maybe I'm fickle, but aren't all Librans suppose to be?

Somehow, I find myself attracted to movies with little kids being friends with animals. Usually, I think such relationships are really touching and very deep, if not cute, even if the animal would be a fox...or a pig. Like hello-w, how can a baby fox and piglett NOT be adorable? And if you dont agree, better stop discriminating or I wont friend you anymore, hmph.

Our lips are sealed

2006-12-16T03:46:00.000+08:00

Let's see...1,2,3; is the number of person this blog is known too. Blogging is hard, especially when it comes to putting down sensitive and emo issues while the whole world has access to it. It's similiar to having your diary, with the public reading it openly. Totally a breach of privacy, and that's a no-no for me. So that number wouldn't increase more anytime soon, if everyone keeps quiet about it ;P. Keep the gradient a good +0.2, will ya? Hush then.

Tennis in less than 4 hours. Something which I dont really look forward as much as before. Once upon a time, I would have sleepless nights the day before each lesson. But now, it seems like a chore, or a responsibility of a heavy burden. The things in which I sought after to enjoy tennis were no longer there. And it would soon be a time where we even stop trying at all, when it gets tiring or energy-sapping. Rest is much needed, and that is exactly what holidays are for, aren't they? Neh, think again.

Somehow we do wonder what went wrong, and where it all started

A New Leaf

2006-12-14T18:27:00.000+08:00

Nope, I'm still the same person as I have been in slightly a year ago. Same core, but just maybe different accessories. Ok lah, lets just get straight to the point. Why this blog even existed is solely based on the following reasons; there's no one to play DotA with in Blueserver or holidays just get pretty boring in time. And yes, why don't I go out to enjoy while I can? Well the thing is... I'm broke, dotz. But actually, I kinda like staying home. You would be able look messy and wear comfortable home clothes. Or even nothing without anyone looking, heh.

While everyone else have flown of somewhere to someplace spelling fun-fun-fun, I am here posting for your reading pleasure. So thank me, or be gone ;( . No wait, actually it ain't that bad at home. There's still plenty of socialising that I can do online, or even possibly playing monopoly and UNO with my little sister when the connection is down. Whenever I feel like having some precious me-time, tada ... OFFLINE. I know I'm so in control of my life, whee away.

Ain't there a first in everything?

2006-12-14T05:25:00.000+08:00

Here I am, with a pre-blogging post. Feeling pretty contented now, having spent the last hour setting up most of the basic design. It wasn't that easy ya know, luckily I'm equiped with some basic HTML knowledge. Or I would be utterly dumbfounded at the sight of such scripts, huahuahua. Not too long till my official first post though, just wait...till I awake yet again, heh.